where did the year go?

one highlight: teaching Steinbeck’s The Red Pony and riding my “pony” through class, yee-hawing at the top of my lungs each period. thoroughly embarrassed the crap out of my students. it was good.

if i’ve not said it recently: i love teaching. i love teaching English. i love teaching high school English.

Every year, I produce a new picture in an attempt at heading off the question.

This year’s entry:

Several students still had to ask. *sigh*

• i’m down 41lbs from last june to 244lbs
• i continue to run 5x / week, lift weights 3x / week, bike infrequently, watch my calories, do some circuit training a couple times a week, drink lots of water, and juggle daily.
• i started doing yoga 3 weeks ago and am enjoying it quite a bit – very relaxing, yet also a workout. i frequently do it at night before heading to bed and it helps the insomniac in me fall asleep.
• this pic was taken this afternoon while hamming for the camera:
  
• the picture drives me to ask the question: if you had a high school teacher with guns like that, would you be messing around with him? no? then why the heck do my students mess with me? is it the shoes? is it the smile? maybe i don’t flash the guns around enough?
• i’m neck-deep in IEP writing, with somewhere around 18 IEP’s due in the next 2 months. oy vey.
• add to this that i’m taking a course on educational assessments at UWF and it’s a double oy vey.
• stephen king’s Under the Dome was a great read until the last 30 pages. he really is a master of plot development, but his endings are so frequently just blah.
• i’ve now worn my Vibram Five Fingers every day for three months and i’m telling ya: these things are absolutely awesome. i did acquire a second pair of them (seen in above picture) and do all my teaching, workouts, running, etc. in them. my feet / legs / knees / back have never felt better. i realize i have a followup i need to do on my previous post – it’ll happen, promise!
• spring break is the last week in march – i’m planning on being in Cincinnati for a couple days. am thinking of arranging some kind of party for a couple hours one night and see if we can’t get everyone together in one room to visit and catch up!
• there’s more to tell, but this was unplanned and as such, my brain is mush.

thanks to kate for the kick in the ass.

as of june 3

when she came home, she told me about one student who was continually disrespectful to her, then insulted her. he’s a new student in the class, but well known to the disciplinary officers.

today that student strolled into class all cool and whatnot. “whassup, mr. rust?” he asked.

“siddown and shut up.” was my reply.

“what’s wrong with you?”

“you dis my wife and insult her yesterday? wrong way to get on my good side. sit. shut it.”

*look of disbelief* “that was your wife?”

*rest of class laughs uproariously*

he sat and pouted the rest of the class.

______________________

My distinguished panel of judges and I wrestled with many entries and almost came to blows in our struggle to choose the top three haiku – here are the results!

In Third Place, Xxxx Xxxxxxxxx wins the lightly used Continental Airlines Barf Bag for:

Anticipation
Like puppy dog tail wagging
June, July, August

In Second Place, Xxxxxxx Xxxxxx wins Nunzilla for the following submission:

Awakening minds
Butterflies’ wings emerging
An Aha moment

And finally, the First Place Winner of the snarky office door hangers, Xxxxx Xxxxxxxx submitted:

Will someone teach boys
To pull up their sagging pants
No peep shows at school
_____________________________________

Honorable Mentions abound (as will Mardi Gras beads):

Xxxxxxxxx Xxxxxx sent:
Darn, It is Monday
WhY am I here? Oh that’s right
I Get paid Friday

Xxxxx Xxxx says:
That Crow woman canÂ
clean and jerk three hundred pounds!
sixty pounds, five lifts

Xxxxxxx Xxxxxx opined:
I wonder today
at the students’ attitudes
and ask, “what went wrong?”

Xxxx Xxxxxxxxx also sez:
Apathy abounds,
Stealing moments on cell phones,
Ignorance remains.

Xxxxxx Xxxxxxxx ventures:
Hazardous meeting
The blowhard passes me by
I feign diffidence

and finally, for managing to sneak in the name of our first female Pulitzer Prize winner for Poetry, Xxx Xxxxxx declared:

What is in a name?
Edna St Vincent Millay
Poetry? Oh yes!

(Nancy Boyd wouldn’t have worked quite as well in that one, would it, Jay?)

Thanks to everyone who participated – it truly was fun to wade through the submissions and hard to pick the top ones!

Win prizes and literary fame in the PFHSÂ Staff Haiku Contest!

Well, maybe not literary fame, but hey – prizes! Bragging rights!

The History:
I write haiku to keep from going insane. I keep a notebook with me in my backpack where I write my haiku as a way to keep my cool in the face of adversity and frustration (read: students and school politics, etc.). It’s a quick, fun, and easy little trick that I can do right in the classroom as I catch my breath, grind my teeth, and try to keep my hands from grabbing someone’s throat.

What Is Haiku:
Haiku is a Japanese form of poetry that consists of 17 total syllables split into three lines with 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the 2nd line, and 5 syllables in the third line. This is a simplified explanation of something that can easily be Googled, but for the purpose of this contest, the above makes sense, right?

Examples:
Last Friday was a bad day for me. 2/3 of the way through the day, I wrote the following haiku:

(5 syllables) Thank God it’s Friday?
(7 syllables) Hah! I laugh with contempt and
(5 syllables) Write mass referrals.

I write haiku when good things happen, too. The following examples include both good and not so good:

My boss, Frank Murphy
The best principal on earth!
Keep my job next year?

Awful Seventh class!
Rust stuck it to them, and how!
No compassion here.

Valentine’s Day is
anniversary of our
agreement to wed!

A friend of mine also writes haiku and we sometimes email each other with them:

The stone we do roll…
A task so Sisyphean…
Whiskey’s the answer!Â

And now, The Contest:
Be creative! Write some haiku! They can be funny, serious, concerned, worried, angry – whatever tone you want them to have! The only rules are:

1. Be sure to stay within the confines of 17 syllables broken into a 5-7-5 pattern.
2. Make your haiku school-related.
3. Submit as many haiku as you want!

Submit / email your school related haiku to me before the end of business Thursday (February 26) and my distinguished panel of judges and I will award prizes for the top three haiku, and several honorable mentions.

The Prizes (see attached picture for each item in all its glory):
1st place will receive a pack of six handy Office Door Hangers with messages like: Out To Lunch (and short a sandwich); Meeting In Progress (the practical alternative to work); Bad Day In Progress (enter at your own risk); and three others! Use these door hangers to warn students and staff of your current disposition!
2nd place will receive Nunzilla! This fire-breathing wind-up sister trudges straight out of a Catholic school student’s nightmare like a determined disciplnary force, with green eyes blazing and sparks flying from her mouth!
3rd place will receive a lightly used Continental Airlines Barf Bag / Seat Occupied sign.
Honorable Mentions will receive a strand of Mardi Gras beads caught and harvested this past Saturday morning on the streets of downtown Pensacola.

Go ye therefore and write!

Scott

so far? the entries are quite good!

it’s mostly a dynamics issue. 8 of the 18 just don’t belong together in one classroom. but alas, the room’s not big enough to separate them as they require.

so we’re at the tail end of an excerpt from richard rodriguez’s autobiography – i’m building to the climax, the epiphany, the “aha” moment when an entire period of childish, stupid behavior on the part of my sophomores and juniors leads me to shut down the class. i’ve had enough. i’ve already had to remove one student and was close to removing a second. six others are just being disruptive, talking, trying to distract me and others, texting on cell phones, arguing with my aide – it just sent me over the top.

so i informed them: you’re on your own. finish reading it by yourselves. the 30 questions? due tomorrow at the end of the class. i was going to do them with you – now? sorry. oh, and don’t forget the test on friday. now, zip it.

and the trouble students in the class managed to zip it for about 10 minutes. then a couple more referrals had to be written.

and my 10 students who listen, participate, and don’t give me crap? their faces were like, “oh, hell no!” but they kept it together and most of them started working on finishing the story and answering the questions.

and i was so damned angry on the way home. the extent of my anger was illogical, almost blinding. and i realized that what i did wasn’t fair to my non-asshat students.

so i stopped and bought a case of cokes and rootbeer and a couple snacks. i wrote out my list of students who were going to get got, and those who weren’t. i ran it all by my department chair and a couple others (thumbs up all the way) and then laid my trap.

and 7th period, students come in and see pop and snacks and eyes light up. especially those of the soon-to-be-banished. everyone gets seated and i wrote the names of those who would not be joining us on the board. to the rest of them i said, “grab a book, a desk, a pencil, and think about what you want to drink and eat, and let’s get in a circle!” to those getting the boot, i said, “you guys can get a book, a pencil, and paper, and go to the library where you’ll do all 30 questions, then study for tomorrow’s test.”

and the looks on their faces – it was indescribable. and frankly, the glee i felt at seeing it was probably inappropriate, the groaning and whining only adding to my satisfaction.

and the ten who stayed back with me – we took the exam together and had a good discussion about the main points of the book over cokes and snacks. and 10 A’s were given.

tomorrow? the other 8 get to take the test on their own while today’s group gets a free period.

i’ll try not to be so gleeful, promise.

“Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.” but in 7th period? i’m the lord. deal with it.

that’s the magic number of pronouns in the extra credit question posed friday.

“how so?” you might be thinking. let’s break it down, shall we?

panel 1: “you” “me” “you” “they” “you”
panel 2: “it” “you” “someone” “your”
panel 3: “I” “you”
panel 4: “I” “I”

final tally = 13

for those who guessed 15, i am assuming you added “these” in panel 1, and perhaps one of the instances of “that” in panel 4. both of these words CAN be used as pronouns, but “these” is an adjective modifying “assignments,” and the word “that” is used as an adverb (showing extent or degree).

my two winners? kate (a way cool chick and junior at U of Maryland) and rachael (another way cool chick, and a junior at Miami University). i’ll have your prizes in the mail this week!

one thing i learned here is: this extra credit question will be virtually impossible for my students to get. 15+ people responded to this via comments, facebook, text messages, and in person, and only two got it right (and at least 40 others clicked on the link but refused to answer the question, making me suspect those folks didn’t know it either). i may need to modify this one and make it multiple choice.

thanks for participating!

i also included an extra credit question on each exam and for my ENG12 class, i had a brilliant idea! the question is: how many pronouns are in the calvin and hobbes comic on the cover of this exam?

but looking it over, i wonder how many of them will get it, and whether it’s an unfair question.

so, faithful friends, i put it to you:

how many pronouns are in the following cartoon?

the first correct answer will be rewarded with a pair of Plak Smacker FUN Great White Shark Toothbrush Covers and a strand of authentic Mardi Gras beads (and you can keep your shirt down, thankyou). these will be sent by mail next week.

the second correct answer will win a genuine paper hat stolen from The Varsity in Atlanta, GA.

please, only one guess per person, and please don’t be intimidated by previous answers – gimme yours, too!

on the day of the vote, i sent out this final push to my school:

My friends -

Early poll results are showing a precipitous drop in support for my candidacy for Teacher of the Year. Must I cross my fingers and reiterate my capricious campaign promises from last week? Is that Crow woman able to sway your support so easily? This smear campaign waged by my opponent is a distortion of the exemplary record I manufactured and have run on these five days.

Do you really want a year of being represented by some librarian who dyes her hair blue? Or a science teacher with ray bans making what is surely some secret sign of the devil with his fingers?

Please: consider the alternatives, then reach the only acceptable conclusion: this hearing impaired, ESE-teaching, Ohio Yankee transplant representing our fine school would show a tolerance and acceptance not seen in other schools. Consider the barriers we can break and the unity we can build… together as I reach across the aisle and work with my non-hearing-impaired, Southern counterparts.

Thank you for your support, and God bless the PF Eagles -

Scott Rust

sadly, this final push came to naught, and finally, after the dust settled and the votes were counted, none of the three of us won – a much more worthy teacher took top prize. my concession email was sent the following day:

My friends, we have come to the end of a long journey. The PFHS staff have spoken, and they have spoken clearly. A little while ago, I had the honor of emailing ____ ______ to congratulate her on being elected the next Teacher of the Year of the school that we both love.

I am so deeply grateful to all of you for the great honor of your support and for all you have done for me. I wish the outcome had been different, my friends. I hope for a kinder, gentler Pine Forest with a thousand points of light. A kinda mavericky school. And today, I call on all Eagles to not despair of our present difficulties but to believe always in the promise and greatness of PFHS, because nothing is inevitable here. Furthermore, I pledge to do all in my power to help Ms. ______ lead us through the many challenges we face.

In closing, I offer you my final 2008 TotY Campaign poster and pray you will print it, post it, and always remember the year that a Deaf Yankee ESE teacher was candidate for the highest office in PFHS.

Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless PFHS.

Scott

there’s always next year!

“nominate yourself!” i thought to myself. a few minutes of deliberation and a few more minutes to formulate an email launching my one-day campaign and i was on the campaign trail! the following email was sent to the entire school:

From: Scott Rust
Subject: If you vote for me as Teacher of the Year…

…I promise to:

- Lower your taxes
- Increase departmental budgets
- Give each teacher a laptop
- Demand an additional 10 days leave per year
- Maintain defense spending for PFHS
- Boost technology spending (SmartBoards for EVERYONE!)
- Wash your car each Friday before 3:35
- Put mints on your desk each morning
- Negotiate a treaty with Russia
- Guarantee each printer and copier has toner / ink
- Eliminate behavior problems in the student body
- Research self-writing referrals
- Switch to a robo-call system for the Deans making phone calls home

My platform goals can be found at:

http://www.scottrust4PFHS-TotY.com/

Thank You, and God Bless PFHS -

Scott

the response was insane. i was inundated with pledges and promises of votes, and also fielded other requests to add to my campaign promises. after some discussion with my advisers, a second email was sent at the end of the day:

From: Scott Rust
Subject: Amendment to my campaign

My constituents have spoken and I have heard your pleas!

I offer the following amendments to my campaign promises:

I will:
- Increase teacher planning periods to three periods a day
- Offer increased support and funding to the Guidance Department, as well as Snickers bars daily
- Demand A’s from all students and offer “alternate educational opportunities” for any student not meeting this goal
- Triple the ESE department’s budget

Thank you for your support!

support emails continued to flood my mailbox. then last night i had an epiphany: a campaign poster! holy cow!

fifteen minutes later, my flyer was ready to be unleashed on the unsuspecting populace. this morning, the final email was sent:

From: Scott Rust
Subject: Final Push for Teacher of the Year Campaign

My Fellow Eagles -

Today marks a precipitous time in our school’s history. Students are unruly. Pay is stagnant. Benefits are being threatened. There exists no covered parking for teachers. Starbucks does not flow freely in our offices. Referrals don’t write themselves. And as I was campaigning yesterday, Kevin the Science Teacher echoed a sentiment we all share: I Want a Porsche!

Your vote for me as Teacher of the Year will guarantee a turnaround in these egregious conditions. My capricious promises will be fulfilled with your support!

Attached is a FREE CAMPAIGN POSTER that is suitable for framing, reminding you daily of my promises and good looks. Additionally, it can be used to wrap fish and line bird cages.

Vote early and vote often!

Scott
the ESE Lang. Arts Teacher

sometimes i just have too much fun with things.

now to write my acceptance speech!

so when i saw dozens of copies of the book Twilight floating around my school, and heard that the school library can’t keep any of it’s copies in stock, and that it is hopelessly on backorder for months and months to come, i was excited. i picked up the first volume at sam’s club 2 weeks ago, then found the next three books at a used bookstore for $5 each! woo-hoo!!

i knew i wasn’t going to be reading classical literature, but i was expecting something riveting and gripping (ala the golden compass / dark materials trilogy or harry potter) – something with a semi-universal appeal and writing that was clear, crisp, and moved along quickly.

i’m disappointed to tell you that it is none of those things.

it’s a love story, the central character being a teenage white girl living in a small town in washington state. the love interest? a “teenage” white vampire boy attending the same school. bella falls hard for edward and through the story, learns about his differences and is unconcerned. edward tries hard to push her away, and the ensuing “getting to know you” period is predictable.

the story itself isn’t awful, but the writing is. 230+ pages of repetitive descriptions of facial expressions (almost all of them “smirk” or some form of this, “smoldering” and “fierce”), ways of laughing (“chuckle”), gripping, and retorting – overused, overdescribed, and maddeningly unimaginative after the second or third use of the same adjective / adverb.

around page 230 the plot FINALLY throws a twist you can’t see coming. the descriptors finally take a backseat as the action starts up and doesn’t let up until the end. by then, however, it was too late. i was bored and hypersensitive to her choice of words and writing style. the ending was predictable, unrealistic, and trite.

my final vote: thumbs down.

let’s be fair, though. i’m pushing 40 years old. i’m a dude. i love reading. it’s not written for me. i understand that.

so let’s do this:
if you’re a white, teenage, suburban girl: this book is for YOU! go for it! read it and love it!!
if you’re a dude of any race, creed, or socio-economic makeup: RUN!! GET AWAY!!!

now, does anyone want to buy my four copies of this 4-book set?

student: this doesn’t even make sense! why would i be talking AND passing notes? this is why we were passing notes to begin with! geez!
me: uhh…

me: are you having trouble answering that question?
student: yeah, the answer’s not in the book.
me: wait – are you telling me the book is asking you to answer a question it didn’t give the answer to in the first place?
student: yeah, it has a virus.

*outrageous laughter from me*
then the conversation continues after i show the student where in the book he can find the answer:

student: ohh! there it is!
me: no more virus?
student: no, you fixed it. the Rust Anti-Virus Program.

*more laughter*

i love teaching.

and after a particularly frustrating wednesday, i woke up thursday as cranky as i had left the day before.

so i got to my class and wrote “cantankerous” on the board, offered extra points to anyone who got onto dictionary.com and found the definition, found several synonyms for the word, and wrote them on their paper.

this led to a productive discussion on being cantankerous, cranky, pissy, peevish, and disagreeable.

it also served as a warning.

but still.

some students took my last nerve.

and stomped all over it.

grrr.

i woke up from a nightmare last night

where i was back at my school from last year.

*whew*

the answer is: i’m bored.

lise and i typically have summers off together and we’re in places like cincy or d.c. where we know lots of people and do lots of things and typically are busier in summer than the rest of the year.

but this year she’s stuck working a crappy 9-5 job and we’re in a town where we know few folks.

and i’m honest to gosh bored.

i love the beach. for a pasty white boy, i have a tan that i never dreamt i could have. but you can still only spend so much time on the beach. i don’t watch tv. i’ve been reading. i’ve been playing guitar. i’ve been taking dolby out.

and sitting around waiting for lise to come home.

so if i strike you as a bit more off than usual…

i’m just bored.

*cue pity party*

officially, dogs are not allowed on the beach down at pensacola beach. why? oh, i can think of some untrained / violent dog reasons as well as some stupid / uncaring / irresponsible owner reasons, but generally we disagree with this rule.

when we’re feeling compliant, however, we hit bayview. and today that’s what dolby and i did.

he does love to swim, that’s for sure. when we first moved here he didn’t know that he knew how to swim, so he was timid and very hesitant about getting in. now, however, he bounds in like a crazy mutt. for the hour+ we were there, he hardly took a step OUT of the water.

dolby’s a funny dog – he’s a big boy but he is also OWNED by most other dogs – even tiny ones. but when he’s in the water playing with his fire hose toy: bitch, please! you best keep your jaws OFF my bizness!

that big dog in the middle picture was trying to get a little too close and dolby stepped up! the dog backed down! i was shocked! amazed! proud!

at any rate, here in hot, summery p-cola, teachers take their dogs to the dog park for a cool swim.

play guitar with the amp cranked to 11.

one sucky thing about not having a house is this: when you’re in an apartment it’s difficult to just open it up and play loud. i mean, you’ve got people on both sides and they don’t want to hear you play cowboy junkies, green day, and neil young tunes at top volume, you know? there’s no accounting for taste, apparently.

this guitar is sweet – it was a graduation gift several years ago from my dad. fender telecaster special limited edition with a couple dimarzio humbuckers to add to the fun. now, i don’t claim to be a good guitarist by any measure, but there’s something about just going to town even if you’re not very good. when you get in the groove and you’re just going with it…

i’ve been using a small practice amp for a while but a year or so ago i was given a short stack of peavey amps that were going to be put out on the curb – folks, these things, when wired up and cranked, can shake windows! apartment living doesn’t allow for that either, but i can always pretend, right?

summer break is great for playing your guitar at full volume in the apartment. this is answer number one to the question: what do teachers in pensacola do all summer.

i got some time friday with one of my girls who is painfully shy but such an incredible student that i wish i could have more like her. i took about 10 minutes while we were outside and really encouraged her, talked about the things that so impressed me about her, talked to her about how i know she feels like a fish out of water sometimes because she’s so shy but that other students were envious of her quiet and hard-working attitude, let her know that she’s one of the few students i could really say “you’ll do anything you want to do when you grow up if you keep up with the things you’re doing” – it was just a really good but too brief time together letting her know that she’s been a great student.

so this morning i’m in my room cleaning up, moving desks around, throwing BOXES of papers and trash away. hidden on my cart was a folded up piece of paper that i was 95% certain was just a note one student probably wrote to another last week that i took from them – you know how it is.

just as i’m about to throw the thing away, i decide to take a look at it.

and it’s a note, written friday morning just before the kids left, from this girl. it was written directly to me and included a picture of her folded up in the note, too.

here’s the note.

and this is what i’ll miss.

i hear this squealed with joy by two of my girls tuesday morning just as i’m about to speak with our school’s data clerk.

“i’m back! how’ve things been while i was gone?”

“the sub was awful!” “so-and-so said this to that person!” “we didn’t even get to go outside!!” “please don’t go out of town again.” “can we please go outside today?” were among the overlapping responses from these two fifth graders.

“wow – ok, so things are ok, the sub was bad, she didn’t take you out, so-and-so is being nasty… anything else?”

“oh, yeah… ___________ got suspended for writing something really bad on someone’s shirt.”

“so i heard. sounds like ___________’s out for the rest of the year because of it.”

short pause…

“well, i guess we won’t have no more trouble the rest of the year now that she’s gone,” came one girl’s reply.

*data clerk unable to control her laughter in the background*

believe me, i tried. i tried hard. but unfortunately, the moment was so funny, the serious look on this young lady’s face so somber, i couldn’t help but laugh, too.

and it feels nice to have that relationship with them.