rustypants speaks

thursday in my box at school was a half-sheet of paper on which we were to nominate our school’s Teacher of the Year. i was a bit thrown because i’m new this year and know very few people - how am i to make a rational decision on this? and the nominations were due by friday - holy cow!

“nominate yourself!” i thought to myself. a few minutes of deliberation and a few more minutes to formulate an email launching my one-day campaign and i was on the campaign trail! the following email was sent to the entire school:

From: Scott Rust
Subject: If you vote for me as Teacher of the Year…

…I promise to:

- Lower your taxes
- Increase departmental budgets
- Give each teacher a laptop
- Demand an additional 10 days leave per year
- Maintain defense spending for PFHS
- Boost technology spending (SmartBoards for EVERYONE!)
- Wash your car each Friday before 3:35
- Put mints on your desk each morning
- Negotiate a treaty with Russia
- Guarantee each printer and copier has toner / ink
- Eliminate behavior problems in the student body
- Research self-writing referrals
- Switch to a robo-call system for the Deans making phone calls home

My platform goals can be found at:

http://www.scottrust4PFHS-TotY.com/

Thank You, and God Bless PFHS -

Scott

the response was insane. i was inundated with pledges and promises of votes, and also fielded other requests to add to my campaign promises. after some discussion with my advisers, a second email was sent at the end of the day:

From: Scott Rust
Subject: Amendment to my campaign

My constituents have spoken and I have heard your pleas!

I offer the following amendments to my campaign promises:

I will:
- Increase teacher planning periods to three periods a day
- Offer increased support and funding to the Guidance Department, as well as Snickers bars daily
- Demand A’s from all students and offer “alternate educational opportunities” for any student not meeting this goal
- Triple the ESE department’s budget

Thank you for your support!

support emails continued to flood my mailbox. then last night i had an epiphany: a campaign poster! holy cow!

fifteen minutes later, my flyer was ready to be unleashed on the unsuspecting populace. this morning, the final email was sent:

From: Scott Rust
Subject: Final Push for Teacher of the Year Campaign

My Fellow Eagles -

Today marks a precipitous time in our school’s history. Students are unruly. Pay is stagnant. Benefits are being threatened. There exists no covered parking for teachers. Starbucks does not flow freely in our offices. Referrals don’t write themselves. And as I was campaigning yesterday, Kevin the Science Teacher echoed a sentiment we all share: I Want a Porsche!

Your vote for me as Teacher of the Year will guarantee a turnaround in these egregious conditions. My capricious promises will be fulfilled with your support!

Attached is a FREE CAMPAIGN POSTER that is suitable for framing, reminding you daily of my promises and good looks. Additionally, it can be used to wrap fish and line bird cages.

Vote early and vote often!

Scott
the ESE Lang. Arts Teacher

sometimes i just have too much fun with things.

now to write my acceptance speech!

i teach english at a high school with 2,000+ students. i love reading. i love seeing students read. i love reading to my students and encouraging them to read on their own.

so when i saw dozens of copies of the book Twilight floating around my school, and heard that the school library can’t keep any of it’s copies in stock, and that it is hopelessly on backorder for months and months to come, i was excited. i picked up the first volume at sam’s club 2 weeks ago, then found the next three books at a used bookstore for $5 each! woo-hoo!!

i knew i wasn’t going to be reading classical literature, but i was expecting something riveting and gripping (ala the golden compass / dark materials trilogy or harry potter) - something with a semi-universal appeal and writing that was clear, crisp, and moved along quickly.

i’m disappointed to tell you that it is none of those things.

it’s a love story, the central character being a teenage white girl living in a small town in washington state. the love interest? a “teenage” white vampire boy attending the same school. bella falls hard for edward and through the story, learns about his differences and is unconcerned. edward tries hard to push her away, and the ensuing “getting to know you” period is predictable.

the story itself isn’t awful, but the writing is. 230+ pages of repetitive descriptions of facial expressions (almost all of them “smirk” or some form of this, “smoldering” and “fierce”), ways of laughing (”chuckle”),  gripping, and retorting - overused, overdescribed, and maddeningly unimaginative after the second or third use of the same adjective / adverb.

around page 230 the plot FINALLY throws a twist you can’t see coming. the descriptors finally take a backseat as the action starts up and doesn’t let up until the end. by then, however, it was too late. i was bored and hypersensitive to her choice of words and writing style. the ending was predictable, unrealistic, and trite.

my final vote: thumbs down.

let’s be fair, though. i’m pushing 40 years old. i’m a dude. i love reading. it’s not written for me. i understand that.

so let’s do this:
if you’re a white, teenage, suburban girl: this book is for YOU! go for it! read it and love it!!
if you’re a dude of any race, creed, or socio-economic makeup: RUN!! GET AWAY!!!

now, does anyone want to buy my four copies of this 4-book set?

after writing a referral on a student this past week for phone use, talking, and passing notes during class, the following conversation arose as the student tried to talk their way out of the referral:

student: this doesn’t even make sense! why would i be talking AND passing notes? this is why we were passing notes to begin with! geez!
me: uhh…

a conversation with a student today in one of my computer classes after a discussion about viruses:

me: are you having trouble answering that question?
student: yeah, the answer’s not in the book.
me: wait - are you telling me the book is asking you to answer a question it didn’t give the answer to in the first place?
student: yeah, it has a virus.

*outrageous laughter from me*
then the conversation continues after i show the student where in the book he can find the answer:

student: ohh! there it is!
me: no more virus?
student: no, you fixed it. the Rust Anti-Virus Program.

*more laughter*

i love teaching.

teaching at the high school level proves to be exciting. and frustrating.

and after a particularly frustrating wednesday, i woke up thursday as cranky as i had left the day before.

so i got to my class and wrote “cantankerous” on the board, offered extra points to anyone who got onto dictionary.com and found the definition, found several synonyms for the word, and wrote them on their paper.

this led to a productive discussion on being cantankerous, cranky, pissy, peevish, and disagreeable.

it also served as a warning.

but still.

some students took my last nerve.

and stomped all over it.

grrr.

after three weeks of teaching at pine forest high school

i woke up from a nightmare last night

where i was back at my school from last year.

*whew*

after posting weird christopher walken pics, acting goofy, and making some rather strange connections between unrelated things yesterday evening to my little brother, he finally says, “what the $&#! is wrong with you tonight? are you smoking something??”

the answer is: i’m bored.

lise and i typically have summers off together and we’re in places like cincy or d.c. where we know lots of people and do lots of things and typically are busier in summer than the rest of the year.

but this year she’s stuck working a crappy 9-5 job and we’re in a town where we know few folks.

and i’m honest to gosh bored.

i love the beach. for a pasty white boy, i have a tan that i never dreamt i could have. but you can still only spend so much time on the beach. i don’t watch tv. i’ve been reading. i’ve been playing guitar. i’ve been taking dolby out.

and sitting around waiting for lise to come home.

so if i strike you as a bit more off than usual…

i’m just bored.

*cue pity party*

answer #3: they take their big dogs to the bayview dog park down on the bay.

officially, dogs are not allowed on the beach down at pensacola beach. why? oh, i can think of some untrained / violent dog reasons as well as some stupid / uncaring / irresponsible owner reasons, but generally we disagree with this rule.

when we’re feeling compliant, however, we hit bayview. and today that’s what dolby and i did.

he does love to swim, that’s for sure. when we first moved here he didn’t know that he knew how to swim, so he was timid and very hesitant about getting in. now, however, he bounds in like a crazy mutt. for the hour+ we were there, he hardly took a step OUT of the water.

dolby’s a funny dog - he’s a big boy but he is also OWNED by most other dogs - even tiny ones. but when he’s in the water playing with his fire hose toy: bitch, please! you best keep your jaws OFF my bizness!

that big dog in the middle picture was trying to get a little too close and dolby stepped up! the dog backed down! i was shocked! amazed! proud!

at any rate, here in hot, summery p-cola, teachers take their dogs to the dog park for a cool swim.

Download Answer #2

answer #1:

play guitar with the amp cranked to 11.

one sucky thing about not having a house is this: when you’re in an apartment it’s difficult to just open it up and play loud. i mean, you’ve got people on both sides and they don’t want to hear you play cowboy junkies, green day, and neil young tunes at top volume, you know? there’s no accounting for taste, apparently.

this guitar is sweet - it was a graduation gift several years ago from my dad. fender telecaster special limited edition with a couple dimarzio humbuckers to add to the fun. now, i don’t claim to be a good guitarist by any measure, but there’s something about just going to town even if you’re not very good. when you get in the groove and you’re just going with it…

i’ve been using a small practice amp for a while but a year or so ago i was given a short stack of peavey amps that were going to be put out on the curb - folks, these things, when wired up and cranked, can shake windows! apartment living doesn’t allow for that either, but i can always pretend, right?

summer break is great for playing your guitar at full volume in the apartment. this is answer number one to the question: what do teachers in pensacola do all summer.

the kids finished up last friday but we’ve got several days of paperwork, meetings, training, room clearning, etc. before we’re finished for the summer.

i got some time friday with one of my girls who is painfully shy but such an incredible student that i wish i could have more like her. i took about 10 minutes while we were outside and really encouraged her, talked about the things that so impressed me about her, talked to her about how i know she feels like a fish out of water sometimes because she’s so shy but that other students were envious of her quiet and hard-working attitude, let her know that she’s one of the few students i could really say “you’ll do anything you want to do when you grow up if you keep up with the things you’re doing” - it was just a really good but too brief time together letting her know that she’s been a great student.

so this morning i’m in my room cleaning up, moving desks around, throwing BOXES of papers and trash away. hidden on my cart was a folded up piece of paper that i was 95% certain was just a note one student probably wrote to another last week that i took from them - you know how it is.

just as i’m about to throw the thing away, i decide to take a look at it.

and it’s a note, written friday morning just before the kids left, from this girl. it was written directly to me and included a picture of her folded up in the note, too.

here’s the note.

and this is what i’ll miss.

“mr. rust! you’re back!!”

i hear this squealed with joy by two of my girls tuesday morning just as i’m about to speak with our school’s data clerk.

“i’m back! how’ve things been while i was gone?”

“the sub was awful!” “so-and-so said this to that person!” “we didn’t even get to go outside!!” “please don’t go out of town again.” “can we please go outside today?” were among the overlapping responses from these two fifth graders.

“wow - ok, so things are ok, the sub was bad, she didn’t take you out, so-and-so is being nasty… anything else?”

“oh, yeah… ___________ got suspended for writing something really bad on someone’s shirt.”

“so i heard. sounds like ___________’s out for the rest of the year because of it.”

short pause…

“well, i guess we won’t have no more trouble the rest of the year now that she’s gone,” came one girl’s reply.

*data clerk unable to control her laughter in the background*

believe me, i tried. i tried hard. but unfortunately, the moment was so funny, the serious look on this young lady’s face so somber, i couldn’t help but laugh, too.

coming back from a two-day absence at school and having several of my students come and give me a hug, high-five me, and/or ask me how i’m doing / how the trip was. to think where we started out at the beginning of the year and seeing where we are now - this is pretty darn cool.

and it feels nice to have that relationship with them.

if i hear another admonition from my school’s administrators to “be flexible” while they continue to give last-minute warnings, announcements, “this must go home today,” schedule changes, and generally seemingly unplanned-for activities and/or meetings…

i’m afraid i’m going to have to transmogrify into stretch armstrong. it may be the only way i survive the needed flexibility.

seriously, with three administrators?

warning: beware the sound of foot being shot.

at a recent county-wide fifth grade field trip, my class ran into a former student of ours. a bully like none other, this student brought out the worst in fellow students and staff and it came to blows several times. no description could adequately explain the dynamic this kid brought to the class.

on the field trip, i talked with the student for a minute. the new teacher saw me talking and came up to me away from the kids. the exchange began:

him: hey, man. so you know __________?
me: yep. i was _________’s  homeroom teacher the first half of this year.
him: ohh, ok! wow.
me: yeah, wow.
him: rough, huh?
me: yup.
him: want to take __________ back?
*me thinking about a professional response*
me: sorry, sir. you don’t have that kind of money.

we grinned slightly at each other, shook hands, clapped each other on the back, and went our separate ways.

…there’d be days like this.

after this school day ended with one of my students getting a 5 day suspension (apparently harper and i are f*cking fatasses and this needed to be shouted at top volume repeatedly while storming down the hallway), my whole class getting silent lunch (a very effective consequence - lunch is a huge part of the social life of my kids), my having tossed four students out of my room in the course of the day, my having to put my hands in my pockets to keep from doing this literally to one of them, my classes’ schedule getting changed daily, harper and i clinging to what little sanity remains, and my blood pressure reaching epic levels there was only one thing i could do to regain my head.

arriving at the beach, stripping in the car, changing, grabbing the bag and chair, i sat on the gulf and stewed. i lost count of the number of times i had to relax my jaw. and then i jumped in.

and it made all the difference. this is what i wrote when i got out 30 minutes later, thoroughly soaked, chilled, and relaxed:

about the only energy i have left in me is to get down to the beach, sit in the sun, swim in the waves, and repeatedly remind myself to unclench my jaw / stop grinding my teeth and try to remember why i got into teaching in the first place. honest to god, moving here was the right thing to do despite the financial ramifications and i’d do it again.

really. it feels that profound sometimes. i honestly can’t remember what i used to do to relax or come down from a bad day in the last couple years. it really seems to come down to needing the water / sand / waves to regain perspective that, for the longest time, was getting lost without a viable outlet.

a diamante, written by mr. rust’s class:

flowers
small pretty
smelling blooming picking
they smell wonderful. they smell disgusting.
stinking tooting embarrassing
stanky nasty
farts

when you need to come up with two things that are opposites, what’s more opposite than flowers and farts? hey, you’ve got to do something to keep their interest!

days like today and this past week

wear the hell out of me.

i get tired of playing psychologist at school.

teaching has many perks, not the least of which is having holidays off. good friday is on the school calendar and my plan was to spend most of it on the beach, reading, biking, etc. then thursday night, lise makes a few calls and finds that her office is going to be closed on friday! woo-woo!! a three day weekend TOGETHER!!

it started off on the right foot - we both slept in and caught up on the beauty rest. lise took the dog out for a good long walk, and we hung out with him until around noon.

then we were off.

we loaded our beach bag up, grabbed the cooler and hit the road. first stop: The Bead and Crystal House. lise has been working hard making earrings and other jewelry in the last few months and this place has a great selection of cool, unique beads to choose from. this does scott no good, of course, so while lise went shopping, scott went to joe patti’s seafood and loaded the cooler up with raw shrimp and some of their delicious spinach dip.

then it was off to captain joey patti’s seafood deli / restaurant. plastic spoons & forks, paper plates, bare bones surroundings, but some of the best and cheapest seafood in the area.

we ordered and devoured a bowl of their fantastic seafood gumbo…

and ate a basket of their catch-of-the-day, some hushpuppies, and baked beans. mmmm-mmm!

a side trip to wal-mart was needed as i had left all my sunscreen in my car. wal-mart is never a fun trip for me, but there was an ulterior motive involved:

hershey’s ice cream parlor is a block away from the one near perdido key. and i knew we needed some ice cream to get the lunch settled correctly.  we’ve not been in months, but we’ve agreed for years that hershey’s makes the best freakin’ ice cream out there. we weren’t disappointed this time when we saw a new flavor: girl scout thin mint chocolate ice cream. oh. my. gosh. it was awesome. little chunks of real thin mint cookies all mixed up in there - it was heavenly.

next, we hit one of pensacola’s three tiny used bookstores. i had forgotten my book to take to the beach and had to have something to read! after much searching, snow falling on cedars was purchased, and we continued our trip to the beach!

it was a gorgeous day out - temps hit the low 70’s and the sun was out the entire day. the beach got chilly as the sun was going down an hour or so after we arrived, but that didn’t take away our enthusiasm for seeing the sunset.

being a relatively cloudless day, the sunset was not quite as spectacular as some, but it was still an awe-inspiring sight.  we sat a bit after the sun disappeared, contemplated what a great day it had been so far, packed up our stuff and headed home to the big dog and some delicious shrimp just waiting to be cooked.

dinner was delicious. several years ago, my dad gave us a medium sized foreman grill - the old ones are a pain to clean as nothing detaches, but folks, when you want shrimp cooked right, the foreman is one good way of doing it.  it was worth the cleaning job.

we ended our evening by catching up on Lost, season two. we’re late-comers to the whole Lost phenomenon and have been renting for the last couple weeks from netflix season one. that was finished on thursday. now we’re on season two and we’re hooked.

it was a good friday, indeed.

tomorrow the FCAT begins.

and my class is gonna kick its butt!

my students are a tough bunch. passionate and vocal about everything - happiness, anger, fights, bickering, petty squabbles - they don’t hold back and this is cause for a lot of trouble at times. there are moments when i love this loud passion and many times when it makes me want to scream.

this loud passion also causes the few quiet, introspective, reserved students to get lost in the shuffle of classroom dynamics. i frequently feel frustrated because i want to give them more attention but often cannot simply because they’re not being obnoxious loud and passionate enough to be noticed.

but one girl in particular has been a real powerful influence in our grade. she’s quiet. she’s smart because she works hard and studies. she’s not real popular with the other girls because she’s not in-your-face and doesn’t look like them, but she has a lot of admirers. she was the first student in harper’s class voted as student of the month because she follows all the rules, does all her work, goes out of her way to be helpful, is quite respectful to not only students but to teachers, too.

and she’s compassionate.

early in the year as i was trying to establish my relationship with the students, she wrote me notes several times to let me know when this or that student was “doing a good job” - meaning that i should make sure i praised / reinforced them.

she has drawn me pictures just out of the blue. she’s made pipe cleaner / ribbon things and given them to me. we have swapped seashells and told stories of how we found them.

a couple months into the year, she wrote me a page long note letting me know that some of my interactions with the students were making them unhappy because they felt i was making fun of them. she folded the note into an interlocking square and colored the outside of it bright colors and gave it to me quietly at the end of the class period. honestly, i’ve not felt so chastised as at that moment.

several weeks ago she asked me what my favorite candybar was - i told her hershey’s special dark and forgot about the conversation. a week or so later, she’s brought me a mini special dark bar.

all this to explain how i continue to learn about compassion:

last week i hit the store and found bags of skittles 2 for $.95 and bought several to use for incentives. harper’s class is the noisiest and most obnoxious and in need of the most incentives, so during a 30 minute period during which students were to be working independently on computers in the lab, i made the following offer: the two students who could be the most quiet during that half hour would get a bag of skittles.

and it was amazing. the whole class. dead quiet. honest! you could have heard a pin drop. i was literally flabbergasted and at odds as to how to distribute two bags of skittles.

so i picked the two students who get into the most trouble for talking and messing around, and in front of the whole class, pointed them out, complimented them on how hard they worked and how quiet they were, gave them their skittles and was ready to proceed to the playground for a bit.

the moans and groans from those who didn’t get the skittles were predictable. what was also predictable was seeing this young lady so happy for those two students that she was literally hopping in place in line, huge smile plastered on her face, and she was clapping.

two students who almost never get praised for anything looking at skittles like they’d won the lottery. eighteen students who were mad that they didn’t get the skittles, some complaining and wanting to know how / why these two got them, it’s not fair, how did you decide, etc.

and one girl who was thrilled to not get the skittles. thrilled that two others got them. so thrilled that she couldn’t contain her happiness for them and was clapping for them.

now fifth grade is fifth grade and she realized that she was getting The Look because of her compassion and caring and clapping - obviously she stopped, but the smile never left her face. and i knew i had made the right decision about giving those skittles away.

and i am continually taught about compassion and love from sources i don’t always expect to find it.

last week, two of my frequently misbehaving students were discussing with me the discipline that occurs at home. it was a light conversation that ended like this:

student 1: have you seen how they make the kids squat against the wall and put their arms straight out when they’re in trouble, like to punish you?

me: yeah, that would stink to have happen!

student 2: my daddy makes me do that when i’m bad. he gives you a whuppin’ if you put your arms down or sit before he tells you to.

me: wow - does that happen often?

student 2 (with pride in her voice): no! i don’t never get no whuppin’ - i can squat and hold my arms out a long time! i have to do it a lot!

student 1 and i exchange a look that i wish were caught on camera.

priceless.

today, at the top of an “enough! go-to-the-back-of-the-room and write-out-definitions-just-so-i-can-teach the students-who-give-a-rip” assignment:

“I can’t wait to go back to Mr. Harper’s class.”

to which there was only one possible reply:

amen, sister. amen.

but could i sit on the beach at the end of january barefoot, wear shorts and a t-shirt, grade papers and listen to the waves crash, feel the warm sand between my toes, have the sun beat down on me, watch the pelicans take headlong dives for a scaly supper, and marvel at the wonder of it all?

naw, didn’t think so.

a couple weeks ago i received a request from one of my students to go to the office with a small group of girls who were having an ongoing issue with another small group of girls - this other group had asked (and been granted) permission to go to the office to address some of these issues.

well, when the second group got wind of this, a passionate plea to go to the office to challenge this first group arose. i was on to what was going on and refused permission to this second group for a number of reasons, not the least of which was that i had much for them to do in my class!

this, obviously, was cause for whining and under-the-breath muttering in my direction. and obviously, i was physically unable to care less.

until the following note was given to me by one of the leaders of this small group of girls:

to which i had to stop everything and explain:

Dude! I AM cool!! when God was handing out the coolness, he gave me an extra handful in exchange for taking some of my hearing. “Is that ok with you, son?” God asked. “It’s cool with me, yo!” was my reply. COOL was going to be my middle name until my mom convinced my dad that it just wasn’t appropriate. the latest edition of Webster’s includes a small picture of me with the definition of cool. why, i’m so cool that some people from florida take vacations to MY HOUSE because the temperature is a full 20 degrees lower in its vicinity.

obviously, some of this was a revelation to my students, but now that we’ve got that settled, everything’s cool.

hee hee.

math is probably my least favorite subject of all possible school subjects. i’m just not that good at the more complex problems and have difficulty remembering formulas and other whatnot.

when i took the GRE back in january 2006, i scored way high in the language section and in the writing section. i knew i would. i love language and writing. but then on the math section, i ranked somewhere like the 18th percentile of all people taking the GRE. i suck and i know it.

there are many hoops to jump through while getting your florida teacher certification - one of the hoops is having to pay for and take the florida general knowledge test. it’s four parts - language skills, reading, essay, and math.

math. bleah.

i was so bored at the end of this christmas break (sixteen days off is too much for me, folks - i don’t entertain myself easily) that i scheduled the three parts of this exam that i could take on a computer for friday afternoon. i wasn’t nervous as i went into the test. i wasn’t nervous when i took the language skills exam. i wasn’t nervous when i took the reading exam.

but math.

oh, math. bleah. the first two sections of the test were 40 minutes each. the math (bleah) section? 100 minutes. and as i started it, i was ok. easy! no problem. hey, know this one, too! haha! hey, maybe i DO know math!!

and then. THEN i had to compute the slope of a line on an X,Y graph. i stared at it for a couple minutes, sweat pouring down my face, knuckles white on the mouse, teeth grinding with such intensity that a fine, white powder escaped my lips. i hit the MARK button that would allow me to quickly come back to it later, then hit next.

9c + 14 - 2(5c - 1) = ________________ (fill in part two on your own - i’ve blanked on it). four possible answers were given for the variable.

and my heart started beating too fast. loneliness and despair were kicking in. YOU SUCK AT MATH!! this was what was being played over and over in my head as i tried to work the problem out for each possible answer and none none none of them would plug in the way i thought it would.

i slapped myself in the face, grabbed myself by the chin and said, “cut it out! you can DO THIS! now quit being a wuss and GET TO WORK, SOLDIER!” and as i composed myself to the sound of the other test-takers “Shhh!”-ing, i confidently picked whichever answer looked the most interesting and went on.

and forty minutes later i walked shakily out of the room, unsure of my future. until the man behind the counter handed me three pieces of paper. language arts: PASS. reading: PASS. mathematics: PASS.

when i came to several minutes later, i was able to calculate that the radius of the bump received on my head was 1.5cm, making the diameter a full 3cm!!

don’t ask me for the circumference or i’ll beat you silly.

snark·y (snär’kē)
adj. snark·i·er, snark·i·est Slang

1. Rudely sarcastic or disrespectful; snide.
2. Irritable or short-tempered; irascible.

[From dialectal snark, to nag, from snark, snork, to snore, snort, from Dutch and Low German snorken, of imitative origin.]

snark’i·ly adv.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

————————

say it outloud for the best effect. go ahead! do it! say, “snarky” - isn’t that a fun word? snark. snark. snarky. snnnnarrrky! haha! i love it! it sounds just bad enough that you wonder if it’s a curse word. it’s got a nice rough sound to it but it’s got some smooth flow to it, too - it’s just a nice combination of sounds and letters - it’s fun to say over and over!!

now, it wouldn’t be unfair to say that at my school, many snarky comments are made by the kids. to whom? to each other. to me. to anyone who will listen. last week i stopped one kid in his tracks just as he was about to shoot off some (snarky) comment in response to my having to redirect him for the third time. all i said was, “i can see you’d like to make some snarky comment right about now, but i highly advise that you keep it to yourself.” and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. i could tell that he was using the (context clues) knowledge that he was going make a smartass comment to try and figure out what snarky meant. i could also tell that he wasn’t exactly sure. and as the debate raged in his head, no snarky comments were made.

woo-hoo!! way to go, SNARKY!!!! (go ahead and say it again. you know you want to)

your homework this week: find a way to sneak the word snarky into a conversation. some suggestions?

“well, bob, there’s no reason to be snarky about it!”

“that’ll be the last snarky comment you make around this house, young man! go to your room!”

“snarky snarky snarky snarky snnnaarrrrrrrkyyyy!!!!!”

please be sure to turn your homework results in to this site by posting a comment on how you used it. please include the context of the conversation, the exact phrasing you used, and the reaction of the person to whom you said it. bonus points will be given if the recipient of the word asked you what snarky meant.

friday was the last day of school before christmas break and the kids, as you would expect, were antsy.

i lost track of the number of requests i received to “please, mr. rust, give us a free day today!” and the number of eyes they rolled when i replied, “wait… you’re getting SIXTEEN DAYS OFF SCHOOL and you want to come to school and get another?”

so motivation was an issue.

during my reading group, the first 20 minutes or so were quite lethargic and i knew i was going to have trouble actually starting a new lesson… but i had no choice. 55 minutes remained in my reading block and something had to be done. i told the class, “ok! find lesson nineteen in your reading books!” and was met with a very obnoxious chorus of wailing and protests. more begging ensued for a free day and my Biggest Whiner was taking it to a new level, threatening what little stability remained. we were reaching critical mass and i was starting to worry.

then i remembered that i still had a crate of cupcakes leftover from the previous days’ class christmas party. cupcakes that my kids didn’t know about.

without saying a thing, i nonchalantly strolled over to my closet, opened it and pulled out my crate of cupcakes. carrying it to the center of the class, i lowered it so all 17 of my reading students could see the brightly colored, icing laden, sugar-soaked goodies.

and Biggest Whiner, without taking his eyes off the cupcakes (or missing a beat), said: “suddenly i feel like reading, mr. rust!”

and as i laughed harder than i had in weeks, i thought, “oh, crap… where’m i gonna get a crate of cupcakes NEXT time?”

and i tell the truth here: my group spent 55 minutes busting their chops on that reading lesson. that, my friends, was the true icing on the cake.

…and my crazy face!”

this was my chorus today as students attempted to stomp on the last nerve in my body. again, at the crossroads of insanity and genius, i chose to make light of my predicament. i began rapping “a fist full of referrals and my crazy face” to students when things were getting out of hand or that “one kid” who always asks “those questions” raised his hand - and it was a hit. it kept me sane, defused a few potentially explosive situations, and got quite a few laughs as i hammed it up and wrote a few more lines while doing my best rap imitation.

so pictures were taken, edited and tweaked - next week, this is what will be plastered around the room as a warning…

i only wish i had my hoodie with me today. drat!

after a particularly ridiculous couple of days dealing with student and administration behavior that threatened to send me over the edge (and some might say actually did at a couple points), i sat down this afternoon and realized that the only way i would be able to drag myself back into that school tomorrow would be to absolutely make fun of / go nuts over the things i am so very pissed off at.

without further ado, i present to you The ____________ Elementary School Teacher Drinking Game.

enjoy. and please remember to educate responsibly: don’t drink and teach.

(click for the full size - click here for the PDF version)

just the thing

to get me through the day?

today, harper and i were given a planning day - subs were requested for our classes and we were jubilant over the prospect of catching up on paperwork and planning, not to mention being out of the room for the day.

but i’ve gotta tell ya: this is how i looked and felt at the end of the day. too many people bothering us, too many kids acting up, too many questions, too many new problems that had to be dealt with instead of planning or grading. i’d love to say that it was a great day but i’d be full of crap.

how long til christmas break??

—
edit: to be fair, things did get accomplished today - it was good to have the day to get those things squared away, but the original intent was for planning and because of constant interruptions, that did not happen. i’m tired of spending so damn much time up at school never getting caught up. classroom 305: my room // my prison.

i was talking with my friend mark a while back about teaching and teachers who made a difference in our lives. many days are spent at my school feeling as though i’m just a rule-machine, looking for someone to step out of line so that i can squash them with my evil consequences. we talked about those kids who are changed for the good despite how we feel we are (ineffective) as teachers.

one teacher in particular who changed my life was my sophomore english teacher at amelia high school: ms. ferguson.

i wasn’t a good student and wasn’t having a good time in high school up to this point. i had been in the hospital for a year and had to re-take my freshman year, was frustrated and bounced between feeling too smart or too stupid in my classes. i didn’t have good study habits, didn’t want to do the work, and generally made things difficult for my teachers.

enter ms. ferguson, charged with the unenviable task of teaching the classics to 15 year olds. we trounced into her class and awaited the harrowing first day’s torture.

and it never came.

oh, sure - we had to read the classics (great expectations, tale of two cities, red badge of courage, etc.) but ms. ferguson had a gift… she was excited to be with us. she was excited to teach. she looked forward to having us in her class.

she acted. she gestured. she smiled. she frowned. she recited. she danced. she articulated.

she put on mini-plays while reading to us, acting all of the parts, standing on chairs and putting on dramatic airs as she went. she roamed around the room. she called on us even as we hid behind whatever we could find. she dragged us kicking and screaming into seeing that the classics didn’t have to suck.

but what convinced me of ms. ferguson’s coolness was this:

she made us do writing journals. three times a week we had to turn in our journals to her and she would write back to us, make comments, or sometimes just left them blank. we were allowed to write anything we wanted to, as long as we wrote something. some students wrote directly to her. others wrote stories or poems or observations.

i don’t remember much about what i wrote, but i do remember HATING this part of the class. i didn’t know what to write!! i HATED to write!! my hand cramped up, i was embarrassed to let someone else read my crappy writing, i felt stupid - it was an awful thing!

one day early in that semester during study hall, i realized that i forgot to write in my journal and it was due the next period. panic set in and my stomach clenched as i thought about how i could get out of turning the notebook in.

but then.

then i thought, “hey! just write some song lyrics in there and she won’t know any better!”

so i decided to write out pink floyd’s “two suns in the sunset” lyrics from the final cut album. it was a favorite of mine, despite the album itself not being one of their better ones.

In my rear view mirror the sun is going down
Sinking behind bridges in the road
And I think of all the good things
That we have left undone
And I suffer premonitions
Confirm suspicions
Of the holocaust to come.

The rusty wire that holds the cork
That keeps the anger in
Gives way
And suddenly it’s day again.
The sun is in the east
Even though the day is done.
Two suns in the sunset
Hmmmmmmmmmm
Could be the human race is run.

Like the moment when the brakes lock
And you slide towards the big truck
You stretch the frozen moments with your fear.
And you’ll never hear their voices
And you’ll never see their faces
You’ll have no recourse to the law anymore.

And as the windshield melts
And my tears evaporate
Leaving only charcoal to defend.
Finally I understand the feelings of the few.
Ashes and diamonds
Foe and friend
We were all equal in the end.

well, i quickly scribbled these lyrics out just in time for the bell to ring. immensely proud of myself for having beaten my teacher in her attempt to force me to write original things, i turned in my notebook and enjoyed the rest of the class.

and the next day - oh. my. god. i’ll never forget it as long as i live.

ms. ferguson hands us our writing journals back and i flip to the page with the lyrics written on them and there’s only one thing written there: Hmmmmmmmmmm… it was about half way down the page and she’d drawn a line between two of the lines in the song, pointing to her comment.

i had forgotten to include the humming part of the song.

and ms. ferguson liked pink floyd.

and. she. caught. me.

and i was both mortified and awestruck. i fell in love with ms. ferguson that day - not just because she liked pink floyd, but because i saw her as an individual who enjoyed what she did. she cared about us. she wasn’t trying to “catch us” writing someone else’s stuff - she wanted us to get used to the process of writing. she wanted us to enjoy writing and see what powerful change can be exacted by writing. she wanted us to read the classics and see what those old dusty books with their archaic words and structure told us today not just bygone days.

i fell in love with more than just ms. ferguson that semester: i fell deeper in love with reading and i fell deeper in love with writing - things that have stuck with me 24 years later. and now i teach reading and writing to fifth graders.
thanks, ms. ferguson - you rock.

our school does 4 20-minute focus lessons daily in the areas of writing, math, science, and reading. teachers are given the focus for each week, then left to their own devices on how they’re going to teach and what materials they’re using.

this week’s focus for reading is synonyms - words that have similar meanings. i put together a couple pages on my SmartBoard (interactive projector that shows the entire class what’s on the computer) talking about synonyms, asking them for their definition, then using the definition found on dictionary.com. i then had them give examples of synonyms and we were having a grand old time.

i made sure they understood that it’s easy to say something like, “Mr. Rust is happy.” but that taking it to the next level, making it interesting for our readers, you need to drop the mundane and use synonyms. i gave an alternate word for “happy” then said, “hey! let’s get on to thesaurus.com and look at all the different words we could replace happy with!”

and i did.

and some of the words made the kids scratch their heads. others made them laugh, like when i said, “if i said, ‘Mr. Rust is chipper!’ instead of our boring sentence using ‘happy,’ wouldn’t that make this sentence more exciting?”

“what does ‘chipper’ mean, Mr. Rust?” was the response.

and being the intelligent teacher i am, i said, “we’re on dictionary.com - let’s check!” and the result was this:

well, this is all cool, right? we’re having a great, entertaining LEARNING experience! woo! mr. rust RULES!! OH yeah!!

so i’m explaining chipper, acting the part, etc. and one of the kids says, “what does ’sprightly’ mean?” and i begin to explain, but then, in my massive intelligence, i thought, “wait!! you’ve got dictionary.com right here!”

so i plug in “sprightly” and this is what i and the whole class sees on the SmartBoard:

and i hit the word “gay” and the class was like…

OMG!! you’re GAY?

haha. i quickly moved on and thought it was over. but then at lunch a student came over and said, “Mr. Rust, someone said you said you was gay.”

and i realized: teaching on the fly is fun but potentially costly.

but i’m still chipper and sprightly.

one rule i have in my class is that during instructional time (i.e. while i’m in front teaching) there is no leaving to go use the bathroom. the breaking of this rule is frequently attempted with such phrases as, “pleeeease, Mr. Rust!” and “it’s an emergency! you don’t want me to pee in the classroom, do you?” (which sorely tempts me, but…).

at any rate, some of the kids know the correct combination of phrases, facial expressions, and bodily “moves” that will break my will on this rule.

most do not.

this past week brought the best attempt yet. picture this:

we’d just finished several weeks of review work that included looking at declarative, imperative, interrogative, and exclamatory sentences, their rules, usage, and much practice. the first test on this was a terrible failure and i gave a second test two days later just to make sure (much better results).

it’s monday. a bad day. frustrated with behaviors, i’m teaching my homeroom on the Smartboard new grammar stuff when one of my pain-in-the-rear kids raises his hand with a note in it for me.

while still teaching, i walk over, take the note from him, ready to ignore the question inside it.

the note reads:
“I need to go real bad. Can I please go to the bathroom? (interrogative sentence)”

i laughed so hard i almost went to the bathroom myself.

i wrote back to him:
“now that’s just pathetic!”

and i let him break my rule.

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my florida teaching certificate came in the mail yesterday.

i’m thinking of writing “Return to Sender” on it and sending it back.

hee hee.

it’s 8:30am

my classroom is completely silent

and it’s deafening

the kids are taking an FCAT simulation

i’m eating up the lack of noise

and hoping they’re doing their best

students in my room suspended: 9
students i wish were suspended: 17
students in class: 25
lighters found: 2
new grey hairs found: 78
lost hairs: (statistics not available)
anonymous notes from students telling me they hate me: 4
resignation letters written: 2
resignation letters turned in: 0
been talked off the ledge: 8
said, “stop talking” or variation: 2,361
student looks of concern over teacher’s maniacal laughter: 211
principal says, “scott, you’re ok - put the knife down”: 5
paper airplanes confiscated: (statistics not available)
fights: 4
desks / seats moved: 74
sat in room thinking i’ve made a terrible mistake: 15
smiles from students: 2,362
notes from students telling me i’m the best teacher ever: 9
paper airplanes with “to mr. rust, best teacher” received: 4
students i love: 25

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what a rollercoaster ride this first week of school has been. yesterday’s inactivity here was due to an audible snap that occurred in my brain about halfway through the day and rendered me incapable of doing anything but bark and holler nonsensical teacher-isms at a room full of unruly youths. this, as most of us know, is about as successful as nailing jello to a wall.

perspective was achieved over the course of 18 hours and today went much smoother.

and it’s on that note that i present:

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due to irrational thinking from the blogger.

check back tomorrow.

i’ll be honest with you:

yesterday right after school, i was ok.

then last night, i started getting really overwhelmed.

and this morning, i was praying to get into a car accident so i didn’t have to come to school.

but things are better. anticipation has a way of causing severe anxiety sometimes, doesn’t it? thinking too much, worrying about what might happen, wondering if you’re going to mess up, fretting that the kids just aren’t going to figure it out and you’re stuck for a whole year with them in an adversarial relationship that prompts your early retirement by about 29 years.

but i arrived this morning in full blown fear mode only to find that my homeroom class (with me from 7:30 til almost 11:00) were completely on the ball. my second class was as rough as i was expecting and cole (my teaching partner, pictured at right) and i are still working on how we’re going to nip this problem in the bud before it spirals out of control.

but i also reasoned this:

these are 5th graders. 11-12 years old. i’m 38. been around the block. it’s not a popularity contest. being laughed at in an attempt to make me feel stupid doesn’t work. being stared down doesn’t frighten me. talking behind my back - psh, what else is new?

but i do have a healthy new respect for teachers. really. i never understood. i’ve pitched my time as a youth minister and my time in special ed as teaching, and certainly it IS, but wow - it’s NOTHING like teaching in a semi-hostile environment where you’ve got 26 kids in the same room, half of whom would much prefer to be elsewhere.

have a favorite teacher somewhere? make sure they know how much you love them. it’ll