rustypants speaks

my campaign for Teacher of the Year folded up its tent 2 weeks ago after a long, arduous journey. along the way, i enlisted the help of our school librarian to start a fake smear campaign just so we could have a bit of fun with it. unknown to me at the time, she was planning her own campaign! a third teacher got in on the act, and by election day, a full-on battle was brewing for the hearts and affections of the staff.

on the day of the vote, i sent out this final push to my school:

My friends -

Early poll results are showing a precipitous drop in support for my candidacy for Teacher of the Year. Must I cross my fingers and reiterate my capricious campaign promises from last week? Is that Crow woman able to sway your support so easily? This smear campaign waged by my opponent is a distortion of the exemplary record I manufactured and have run on these five days.

Do you really want a year of being represented by some librarian who dyes her hair blue? Or a science teacher with ray bans making what is surely some secret sign of the devil with his fingers?

Please: consider the alternatives, then reach the only acceptable conclusion: this hearing impaired, ESE-teaching, Ohio Yankee transplant representing our fine school would show a tolerance and acceptance not seen in other schools. Consider the barriers we can break and the unity we can build… together as I reach across the aisle and work with my non-hearing-impaired, Southern counterparts.

Thank you for your support, and God bless the PF Eagles -

Scott Rust

sadly, this final push came to naught, and finally, after the dust settled and the votes were counted, none of the three of us won – a much more worthy teacher took top prize. my concession email was sent the following day:

My friends, we have come to the end of a long journey. The PFHS staff have spoken, and they have spoken clearly. A little while ago, I had the honor of emailing ____ ______ to congratulate her on being elected the next Teacher of the Year of the school that we both love.

I am so deeply grateful to all of you for the great honor of your support and for all you have done for me. I wish the outcome had been different, my friends. I hope for a kinder, gentler Pine Forest with a thousand points of light. A kinda mavericky school. And today, I call on all Eagles to not despair of our present difficulties but to believe always in the promise and greatness of PFHS, because nothing is inevitable here. Furthermore, I pledge to do all in my power to help Ms. ______ lead us through the many challenges we face.

In closing, I offer you my final 2008 TotY Campaign poster and pray you will print it, post it, and always remember the year that a Deaf Yankee ESE teacher was candidate for the highest office in PFHS.

Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless PFHS.

Scott

there’s always next year!

ATTENTION ALL CHRISTIANS:

THE WORLD IS NOT SCHEDULED TO END YET!

PLEASE TAKE A BREATH!

(and maybe a pill)

kthxbye.

thursday in my box at school was a half-sheet of paper on which we were to nominate our school’s Teacher of the Year. i was a bit thrown because i’m new this year and know very few people – how am i to make a rational decision on this? and the nominations were due by friday – holy cow!

“nominate yourself!” i thought to myself. a few minutes of deliberation and a few more minutes to formulate an email launching my one-day campaign and i was on the campaign trail! the following email was sent to the entire school:

From: Scott Rust
Subject: If you vote for me as Teacher of the Year…

…I promise to:

- Lower your taxes
- Increase departmental budgets
- Give each teacher a laptop
- Demand an additional 10 days leave per year
- Maintain defense spending for PFHS
- Boost technology spending (SmartBoards for EVERYONE!)
- Wash your car each Friday before 3:35
- Put mints on your desk each morning
- Negotiate a treaty with Russia
- Guarantee each printer and copier has toner / ink
- Eliminate behavior problems in the student body
- Research self-writing referrals
- Switch to a robo-call system for the Deans making phone calls home

My platform goals can be found at:

http://www.scottrust4PFHS-TotY.com/

Thank You, and God Bless PFHS -

Scott

the response was insane. i was inundated with pledges and promises of votes, and also fielded other requests to add to my campaign promises. after some discussion with my advisers, a second email was sent at the end of the day:

From: Scott Rust
Subject: Amendment to my campaign

My constituents have spoken and I have heard your pleas!

I offer the following amendments to my campaign promises:

I will:
- Increase teacher planning periods to three periods a day
- Offer increased support and funding to the Guidance Department, as well as Snickers bars daily
- Demand A’s from all students and offer “alternate educational opportunities” for any student not meeting this goal
- Triple the ESE department’s budget

Thank you for your support!

support emails continued to flood my mailbox. then last night i had an epiphany: a campaign poster! holy cow!

fifteen minutes later, my flyer was ready to be unleashed on the unsuspecting populace. this morning, the final email was sent:

From: Scott Rust
Subject: Final Push for Teacher of the Year Campaign

My Fellow Eagles -

Today marks a precipitous time in our school’s history. Students are unruly. Pay is stagnant. Benefits are being threatened. There exists no covered parking for teachers. Starbucks does not flow freely in our offices. Referrals don’t write themselves. And as I was campaigning yesterday, Kevin the Science Teacher echoed a sentiment we all share: I Want a Porsche!

Your vote for me as Teacher of the Year will guarantee a turnaround in these egregious conditions. My capricious promises will be fulfilled with your support!

Attached is a FREE CAMPAIGN POSTER that is suitable for framing, reminding you daily of my promises and good looks. Additionally, it can be used to wrap fish and line bird cages.

Vote early and vote often!

Scott
the ESE Lang. Arts Teacher

sometimes i just have too much fun with things.

now to write my acceptance speech!

quote of the day:

“To all those who name the name of Christ who plan to willfully disobey Him by voting for Obama, take warning… No, this election is not about race. It’s not about the economy. It’s about obeying God… Obey Him in the voting booth and out of it. If not, do us all a favor and quit calling yourself a Christian.”
– radio host and commentator Janet Porter

i suppose i’m helping to send this country to hell in a handbasket. DANG it!!

truth is, though, it’s folks like this who scare the crap out of me. single-issue voting is unwise, and folks like this – the zealots – they worry me more than either of the candidates.

and these folks also embarrass me as a christian.

maybe i ought to take her advice and stop calling myself one.

this is pretty darn hilarious.

http://www.palinaspresident.us/

be sure to click on everything clickable (sometimes more than once!)

colin powell has endorsed obama.

mccain ought to quit now and start his vacation.

…can’t be over soon enough.

i’ve about had it

with the zealots

for BOTH candidates.

i’ve changed my stance.

zippy for president!

the old bald man scared me, mommy!!

he kept calling me his “friend” but

i can’t be friends with creepy strangers!!!

flies through space!

www.walken2008.com

found this on the beach three weeks ago (6-8-08):

not timely, but still appropriate.