rustypants speaks

wouldn’t the money being spent on these ridiculous t-shirts be put to better use to help his victims?

thank goodness we americans have our priorities straight.

few things satisfy that need for a manly testosterone-fueled adrenaline rush like firing up the old chainsaw and hacking away at poor defenseless trees.

there he is!

he’s cooling off with a scoop of Graeter’s ice cream! nothing says respite from eternal damnation like a bowl of Buckeye Blitz! enjoy it, you little devil, then get thee hence!

we likey play with camera.

me wifey has bluey eyes

she coming after me

that explainey – full moony!

the following was an email i sent to the entire school this morning initiating a haiku contest…
—————————-

Win prizes and literary fame in the PFHSÂ Staff Haiku Contest!

Well, maybe not literary fame, but hey – prizes! Bragging rights!

The History:
I write haiku to keep from going insane. I keep a notebook with me in my backpack where I write my haiku as a way to keep my cool in the face of adversity and frustration (read: students and school politics, etc.). It’s a quick, fun, and easy little trick that I can do right in the classroom as I catch my breath, grind my teeth, and try to keep my hands from grabbing someone’s throat.

What Is Haiku:
Haiku is a Japanese form of poetry that consists of 17 total syllables split into three lines with 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the 2nd line, and 5 syllables in the third line. This is a simplified explanation of something that can easily be Googled, but for the purpose of this contest, the above makes sense, right?

Examples:
Last Friday was a bad day for me. 2/3 of the way through the day, I wrote the following haiku:

(5 syllables) Thank God it’s Friday?
(7 syllables) Hah! I laugh with contempt and
(5 syllables) Write mass referrals.

I write haiku when good things happen, too. The following examples include both good and not so good:

My boss, Frank Murphy
The best principal on earth!
Keep my job next year?

Awful Seventh class!
Rust stuck it to them, and how!
No compassion here.

Valentine’s Day is
anniversary of our
agreement to wed!

A friend of mine also writes haiku and we sometimes email each other with them:

The stone we do roll…
A task so Sisyphean…
Whiskey’s the answer!Â

And now, The Contest:
Be creative! Write some haiku! They can be funny, serious, concerned, worried, angry – whatever tone you want them to have! The only rules are:

1. Be sure to stay within the confines of 17 syllables broken into a 5-7-5 pattern.
2. Make your haiku school-related.
3. Submit as many haiku as you want!

Submit / email your school related haiku to me before the end of business Thursday (February 26) and my distinguished panel of judges and I will award prizes for the top three haiku, and several honorable mentions.

The Prizes (see attached picture for each item in all its glory):
1st place will receive a pack of six handy Office Door Hangers with messages like: Out To Lunch (and short a sandwich); Meeting In Progress (the practical alternative to work); Bad Day In Progress (enter at your own risk); and three others! Use these door hangers to warn students and staff of your current disposition!
2nd place will receive Nunzilla! This fire-breathing wind-up sister trudges straight out of a Catholic school student’s nightmare like a determined disciplnary force, with green eyes blazing and sparks flying from her mouth!
3rd place will receive a lightly used Continental Airlines Barf Bag / Seat Occupied sign.
Honorable Mentions will receive a strand of Mardi Gras beads caught and harvested this past Saturday morning on the streets of downtown Pensacola.

Go ye therefore and write!

Scott

so far? the entries are quite good!

there he is! he’s doing his frank sinatra impression
while singing, “fly me to the moon!”

silly satan! viable souls are only found on earth!

where is satan sockpuppet?

why there he is! he’s in cincinnati making fun of the tyler-davidson fountain!

silly satan! don’t you know that inanimate objects can’t be damned for all time??

we were 17. we were young, stupid, and bored.

scott and i managed to swipe a bottle of old granddad and were out on a saturday night, mercifully without a curfew. we’d been driving, without the drinking, but now our master plan was to be enacted.

we pulled into the I-275 theater on the east side of cincinnati where every saturday night was a midnight showing of some concert film.

tonight’s film?

pink floyd’s The Wall. we’d been singing it in the car at the top of our lungs for the past year or so but had never seen the movie.

we sat in the parking lot and hit the bottle for a while, getting a buzz on. and then went a bit further.

we bought our tickets, grabbed seats in the mostly empty theater and settled in for what we were sure was going to be an incredible, mind-altering ride through one of the greatest albums ever made.

and all i can say now, even 23 years after the fact, is this:

the shaving scene had us stuttering like sylvester in a crazy, mouse-infested haunted house.

we were still twitching while the credits were rolling.

i never drank old granddad again.

the movie still disturbs me.

yeeeesh!!

my campaign for Teacher of the Year folded up its tent 2 weeks ago after a long, arduous journey. along the way, i enlisted the help of our school librarian to start a fake smear campaign just so we could have a bit of fun with it. unknown to me at the time, she was planning her own campaign! a third teacher got in on the act, and by election day, a full-on battle was brewing for the hearts and affections of the staff.

on the day of the vote, i sent out this final push to my school:

My friends -

Early poll results are showing a precipitous drop in support for my candidacy for Teacher of the Year. Must I cross my fingers and reiterate my capricious campaign promises from last week? Is that Crow woman able to sway your support so easily? This smear campaign waged by my opponent is a distortion of the exemplary record I manufactured and have run on these five days.

Do you really want a year of being represented by some librarian who dyes her hair blue? Or a science teacher with ray bans making what is surely some secret sign of the devil with his fingers?

Please: consider the alternatives, then reach the only acceptable conclusion: this hearing impaired, ESE-teaching, Ohio Yankee transplant representing our fine school would show a tolerance and acceptance not seen in other schools. Consider the barriers we can break and the unity we can build… together as I reach across the aisle and work with my non-hearing-impaired, Southern counterparts.

Thank you for your support, and God bless the PF Eagles -

Scott Rust

sadly, this final push came to naught, and finally, after the dust settled and the votes were counted, none of the three of us won – a much more worthy teacher took top prize. my concession email was sent the following day:

My friends, we have come to the end of a long journey. The PFHS staff have spoken, and they have spoken clearly. A little while ago, I had the honor of emailing ____ ______ to congratulate her on being elected the next Teacher of the Year of the school that we both love.

I am so deeply grateful to all of you for the great honor of your support and for all you have done for me. I wish the outcome had been different, my friends. I hope for a kinder, gentler Pine Forest with a thousand points of light. A kinda mavericky school. And today, I call on all Eagles to not despair of our present difficulties but to believe always in the promise and greatness of PFHS, because nothing is inevitable here. Furthermore, I pledge to do all in my power to help Ms. ______ lead us through the many challenges we face.

In closing, I offer you my final 2008 TotY Campaign poster and pray you will print it, post it, and always remember the year that a Deaf Yankee ESE teacher was candidate for the highest office in PFHS.

Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless PFHS.

Scott

there’s always next year!

there he is!

he’s tempting fate by dancing on the head of an angel!

bad satan sockpuppet!!