sitting
being still
silent
quieting the mind
controlling the breaths
tuning out the static
tuning into yourself

I’m not always successful
but when I am
it makes
a world
of difference.

The answer?

Mark, at Truly Spokin’, told me that this would be an excellent bike for what I was looking to do. This is the 2011 Bianchi Camaleonte Uno, a hybrid bike (“hybrid” meaning sporty, but also practical – road bike & commuter bike in one). I tested his faith back in July 2011 by asking if I could test ride this bike for 3 days, and with only raised eyebrows and a curious look, he said, “Sure. Come get it Friday, bring it back to me Monday.” It was a great 3-day test ride! Rainy, windy, sunny, warm, calm – the whole shebang. I took that thing out and rode it all over and in all weather conditions because I wanted to make sure.

I test rode 4 other bikes as well (among them, Giant & Torker) but none of them quite had the ride that the Bianchi did.

(“Camaleonte” is Italian for Chameleon. I admit to having more than just a passing love of the chameleon on the top tube. It makes the bike just a little bit more fun, a bit more out there.)

After paying a little bit here, a little bit there, since July for the bike, I was finally able to pick up this sweet thing on 11/11/11. Obviously, I’m quite excited about giving her a run on the commute this coming week!

Things I like about the bike:

• It’s slick looking. Sexy. Sleek. Truth is, though, most of Bianchi’s bikes are slick.
• It rides well. It’s not like the Klein, but it’s not meant to be! It’s got more weight to it and the steering is stiffer (a plus).
• It’s got a shorter top tube. It’s going to take some getting used to, but it’s not as much of a stretch from the seat to the handlebars. It’s more of an upright position than I’m familiar with on my previous bikes.
• The flat handlebars. I like ‘em. The shifters & the brakes are easy to access and quick to respond. I’ve been riding on dropbars for the past year, so my arms are a bit stiff from the different position, but it’ll be a good change.
• An adjustable stem. The handlebar stem is adjustable so that it can drop or rise a pretty significant amount. I’m going to play with this a bit, but it was definitely a selling point!
• 32mm tires. I started off with 25′s, then went to 28′s on the Klein. These fatter tires make a big difference when it comes to dealing with carpal tunnel in the wrists.
• Mini-V brakes. When I hit the brakes, this bike stops, even when it’s wet. I’m impressed.
• Racks & Fenders! It can handle a rack on the rear & front, plus there’s plenty of space for fenders for the wet Pensacola commuting days. I’m having a rack installed this week – I’m getting too old to carry a backpack full of books, a laptop, and all the other stuff I need to teach!
• Good handling in various conditions. With the Klein, I’m afraid to do some things (riding in the rain, banking turns hard, going over particularly rough patches / railroad tracks, etc. at higher speeds) but with the Bianchi, I’m a lot more confident of  its ability to handle these conditions.
• It’s just a fun ride. Seriously.

Will I eventually go car-free? I dunno. I’ve been working towards a reduced-car existence for the past year (and with over 2600 miles on the Klein since November 2010, I’d say I’ve gotten a decent start). This bike will help me increase my bike commuter miles, and reduce my carbon footprint, not to mention continue a healthier lifestyle and influence others in myriad ways. I’m excited!

Ask me questions, or stay tuned for more on this bike!

Thought to myself, “Hah! If *I* wrote that book it’d be two chapters long:

CHAPTER ONE: Why We Get Fat

“We get fat because WE EAT TOO MUCH AND DON’T MOVE AROUND ENOUGH!!!”

CHAPTER TWO: What To Do About It

“Try to QUIT EATING SO DAMN MUCH AND GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS!!!”

This might be why my writing attempts have fizzled in the past.

Lise and I went for our first taste last night – here’s our review!

End of the Line Cafe Visit from scott rust on Vimeo.

Our first visit to the End of the Line Cafe, a 100% Vegan restaurant in Pensacola, FL.

that, my friends, is a 2004 Klein Aura V road bike. she’s taking the place of that clunky old mongoose mountain bike i’ve been riding the last several years. she comes courtesy of chris baskind, a car-free, cycling-enthusiast, cool dude here in Pensacola who maintains www.ecominima.com. i had been looking at bikes, chris mentioned on Twitter that he was selling his Klein, we talked, he made me an offer i couldn’t pass up, and i’m now rockin’ the road on this sweet thang.

and let me just say this: i figured that a high-end road bike would ride nicer than a $150 wal-mart bike, but holy crap! i had no idea it would make this much of a difference!! i have had so much difficulty reining myself in sometimes while out riding – it’s so much more fun, comfortable, smooth, exhilarating… i could go riding on and on!

i’ve been cycling to and from work (7.5 miles each way) several times a week for the past few weeks and am LOVING it! i’m committing to commuting by bike at least 3 days a week (the other two days i cannot due to other obligations).

more on the rationale and motivation soon.

i look at myself in the mirror some days and say, “Whoa! WTF!?”

in 2006, after avoiding the scale for years, a routine doctor’s appt forced me to get weighed at check-in. when it hit 320lbs, i was floored. i made some surface changes over the next year and lost 30lbs by 2007. then stopped.

the past 18 months have brought many changes in lifestyle and attitude. i’m still getting used to some of the results.

all changes were made gradually and with much research and testing.

what did i do?

• started biking (up to 20 miles a day)
• made dietary & eating habit changes
• started cross-training & aerobic exercise
• started lifting weights
• started running
• switched to  minimalist running (Vibram Five Fingers)
• added Chi Running
• started yoga
• became a vegetarian
• started commuting to work via bicycle
• promised NOT to become religious about most of the above

i’m down to 230lbs now and continue to feel better than i’ve ever felt. i continue to look for ways to eat, live, and think healthier.

fad diets don’t work, friends. we’ve got to get off our fat asses, get active, really assess the decisions we make about our eating, and make some gradual lifestyle adjustments! it’s not an easy task, but for many of us, it’s a necessary one!

commit to making one change today!

and make contact with me for some encouragement.

This was shot out at Gulf Islands National Seashore / Ft. Pickens, FL on 10/9/10 using a Flip UltraHD camera. The music is something I frequently use while doing yoga – every time I use it, I feel relaxed and transported to the beach. To view in HD / full screen, click on the link to youtube.

So stop. Breathe. Relax. Focus.

Scott & Lise Try to Find Vegetarian Food @ McGuire’s Irish Pub in Destin, FL from scott rust on Vimeo.

What did they find? What did they eat? How does it end??

Well, click play and find out.

Stick around – it gets rather silly at the 4:00 mark…

It’s been many, many years.

Posted via email from rustypants’s posterous

• i’m down 41lbs from last june to 244lbs
• i continue to run 5x / week, lift weights 3x / week, bike infrequently, watch my calories, do some circuit training a couple times a week, drink lots of water, and juggle daily.
• i started doing yoga 3 weeks ago and am enjoying it quite a bit – very relaxing, yet also a workout. i frequently do it at night before heading to bed and it helps the insomniac in me fall asleep.
• this pic was taken this afternoon while hamming for the camera:
  
• the picture drives me to ask the question: if you had a high school teacher with guns like that, would you be messing around with him? no? then why the heck do my students mess with me? is it the shoes? is it the smile? maybe i don’t flash the guns around enough?
• i’m neck-deep in IEP writing, with somewhere around 18 IEP’s due in the next 2 months. oy vey.
• add to this that i’m taking a course on educational assessments at UWF and it’s a double oy vey.
• stephen king’s Under the Dome was a great read until the last 30 pages. he really is a master of plot development, but his endings are so frequently just blah.
• i’ve now worn my Vibram Five Fingers every day for three months and i’m telling ya: these things are absolutely awesome. i did acquire a second pair of them (seen in above picture) and do all my teaching, workouts, running, etc. in them. my feet / legs / knees / back have never felt better. i realize i have a followup i need to do on my previous post – it’ll happen, promise!
• spring break is the last week in march – i’m planning on being in Cincinnati for a couple days. am thinking of arranging some kind of party for a couple hours one night and see if we can’t get everyone together in one room to visit and catch up!
• there’s more to tell, but this was unplanned and as such, my brain is mush.

thanks to kate for the kick in the ass.

i started running back in august of this year (’09). i was nervous about running for several reasons:

• i’ve not done any kind of running in the past 25 years (and i’m 41 now)
• the few times this past summer that i’d tried to run, my knees / back would stop me
• i’ve lost 40lbs since may but am still overweight – i didn’t want this to end up being a failure and get discouraged with the other things i’m doing to improve my health (at 245 right now, i’m shooting for another 25-30lbs to go)
• i have a form of arthritis that can flare up unexpectedly, and has put me out of commission for days or weeks in years past when it hits my knees or ankles (in a physical mobility sense)
• for most practical purposes, without my hearing aids, i hear nothing but extremely loud noises, and cannot wear them when i’m sweating (how to sense cars coming behind, etc)
• it was something new and i wasn’t sure i really wanted to do it

but i realized that most of these were excuses. like with all the other changes i’ve made this past year, i did some extensive research on running, spoke to several people who are runners, plotted out my strategy, and went with it. i went and bought a pair of New Balance running shoes, took it slow (walking, then running, then more running and less walking, finally running 3 miles a night without walking), and really came to enjoy it.

well, kinda.

i was doing well with the act of running itself, but my ankles, knees, hips, and back were just exhausted after each run. i mean, i was wiped! and the next day these joints were hollering more than just soreness. i figured this came with the territory and decided to just run my way through it.

and finally i had to stop running for a couple weeks because it just hurt too much. my knees were killing me and i was losing sleep from the pain at night.

i did what i normally do: i brooded a couple days, then started researching what went wrong.

and the only answer i could come up with is that i was slamming down on my heels with each stride – it’s what i remember doing when i was playing sports, right? heel-to-toe? and all that weight slamming down, jolting the rest of me on the way back up.

now let me say this: i’m not here to argue proper form (and thank God for that – others more qualified can do that and actually give a damn). for me, it’s the only thing i could figure.

so i started looking into barefoot running – it seemed natural for me, both in form and comfort (i’ve worn only Birkenstocks for 12+ years now and when i’m not wearing my birks, i’m wearing nothing).

and this led me to Vibram FiveFinger KSO’s.

part two is coming right up!

my initial reaction?

• running is easier and less painful on the knees
• running is more fun and less exhausting
• the KSO’s are crazy comfortable

gimme a couple more days and i’ll post a more detailed assessment as well as my rationale for getting into barefoot running. for now, here’s some info to look into:

• Vibram’s FiveFinger KSO website
• Wired Magazine’s article on barefoot running
• www.birthdayshoes.com – a vff community site

• i’m down to 251lbs – 34lbs less than when i started back at the end of May
• the weight training has really been paying off:

• i’ve added running to my daily exercise and am up to 3 miles every night. it kicked my ass at first, but the more i do it, the easier / better it gets.
• my fears of being too busy with work were unfounded. i LIKE working out, biking, running, exercising, etc. and making the time for it isn’t as difficult as i thought it might be.
• i almost entered a 5k a couple weeks ago but chickened out. it’ll happen…
• finally had the physical that i probably should have had before i started this – the good news? everything’s kosher! doc was impressed with weight loss and the way i’ve gone about it. offered a few suggestions and answered a half dozen questions i had about various exercise / weight related things.

i still have a good bit of work ahead of me – i’ve got a lot more gut to get rid of, but what a difference from may of this year (and a 70lb difference since 2005)!

woo-hoo!

as i mentioned in previous posts, i’ve a long way to go still, but what a difference in body, mind, and spirit having worked so hard the last 3+ months to change 20 years of poor eating habits and virtually no exercise. the daily exercise (weight-lifting, circuit training, and biking) has really jacked up my metabolism. the healthy eating (more fruit, veggies; less meat and processed foods; calorie counting; normal portions; LOTS of water) has helped me feel better, and fuels the workouts. seeing and feeling the results is its own reward.

i’m thankful to Tim for agreeing to do this contest with me – we both needed some motivation to get started, and this was just right. Tim, i’m glad you probably won this contest, and the check is in the mail. truthfully, i can’t put a price on how much better i feel, but i’m glad we didn’t bet more than we did. :-)

and a final note: for all my silliness about how tough jillian michaels is, i met her daddy this past week. billy blanks is beating me far worse than jillian ever has. how do i respond? i say, “thank you mr. blanks, please can you hurt me some more!?”

this is the final post (for now) that started with Part I, Part II, and Part III. check those out for the history.

at this point, 11 weeks into this lifestyle change, i’ve:

• lost 21lbs
• gained crazy muscle mass
• started drinking mass water
• dumped junk food and bad eating habits
• become jillian michaels’ circuit-training bitch
• been biking daily
• started weight training
• begun eating lots of fruit and veggies througout the day
• felt better than i have in 20+ years

i’ve still got a long way to go. i’m currently 264lbs, which, at 6′ tall, still puts me way out of healthy range. much of what i’ve read suggests having a target or a goal, but i’ve resisted this because i don’t want this to become something i HATE doing because i’ve not lost this or that amount of weight, etc.

what i WANT my motivation to be is to simply continue eating healthy, feeling healthy, using exercise and eating right to accomplish this.

if i were going to set a target weight, i’d probably shoot for 220lbs (in the back of my mind it sounds like a good, attainable, healthy number).

things i’m noticing

• i’m insanely aware of my body now – this never used to be the case.
• my skin is getting tight
• my feet are shrinking (took my birkenstocks in a notch last month, and having to do it again now!)
• my breathing is much more… full? easy?
• muscles are getting bigger and tighter (a strange sensation)
• my stomach is shrinking (but still has a lot more shrinking to do)
• my arms don’t jiggle
• my face has gotten lean (and the wrinkles that have been poofed out by all the fat – they’re shining through now, and i don’t care!)
• i’m very aware of the foods i’m eating, how MUCH food i’m eating, and the choices i’m making
• it’s taking a lot more work to get my heart rate up, pushing me to do longer and harder sprints on the bike, and add more weight to the barbells
• my clothes are getting too loose (can anyone contribute to my Scott Needs New Clothes Fund?)
• there’s almost a “high” that lasts for hours after a good workout – that alone is motivation to push it and work hard! but the increased stamina is also huge!

as i explained in Part I, this started out as a bet with my friend Tim. Tim has won both june and july, and i told him a few weeks ago: i feel so damn good, i’d rather lose the whole kit and kaboodle and continue this lifestyle beyond the contest rather than win and have gained nothing in a healthy lifestyle sense. i’m loving these changes!

now, in the interest of full disclosure, i need to admit that i started this journey during my summer off. being a high school teacher has been beneficial in the sense that i needed to work on getting these changes integrated when i was able to be incredibly flexible. school starts back next week, so the journey continues, but now under “real life(?)” circumstances. i’m going to be struggling with getting up early to get the first half of my workout done, then finishing up the second half after teaching high school juniors and seniors all day.

a final observation:

i’m very thankful that at age 40 and after 19 years of marriage, with some exercise and weight training, i can still make hott chicks swoon. here’s to the hottest chick in my life!

so, a quick re-cap: Part I explained the bet, the biking, building muscle mass, and the lack of weight loss. Part II explained my dawning realization in regards to needing more than just biking, and how i became Jillian Michaels slave at the end of june, beginning of july.

Part III deals with the additions and subtractions i had to make once i realized that physical activity wasn’t the only factor in weight loss.

The Additions:

• in mid-july i started a second DVD workout from JM in which she uses weights – a completely different type of exercise! i quickly left 5lb free weights behind and am up to 12 and 17lbs (depending on the exercise) and have started using the weights with and without the DVD, adding some and ditching others. this has made a HUGE impact! i’m floored at the difference in my muscles, my skin, and the further increased stamina. (my next addition needs to be a weight bench!)

• i had been doing really well in june and july about not drinking any regular pop, only diet… but the diet pop had to go, too. Adding significant quantities of water was important. i started drinking at least 3-4 liters a day starting mid-july and have quit the pop. another big difference! (don’t covet my Life is Good water bottle! i’m not sharing!!)

• one of my conditions when starting all this was that i would NOT start a fad diet or begin consuming things that i hate eating (cottage cheese, tuna, & rice cakes all come to mind). i would eat things that i liked and loved, but would start paying attention to how MUCH of those things i ate. now, i love fruits and veggies, but for years i would simply snack on the things that i felt were easier (and cheaper) to grab: pop, chips, little debbies, a big-ass bowl of frosted flakes. we added a lot of those fruits and veggies to our lives, and now we’re eating a lot healthier during both our main meals AND snacking. (little debbie called my cell the other day and was cussing like a sailor over the drop in profits)
• i’ve also never counted calories before, but had to add this to my regimen, too. i didn’t realize just how much i had been eating before this! amazing, the difference when you start to pay attention! i was easily eating 3000+ calories a day prior to june, and probably still eating 2000-2500/day until july. once i started adjusting, i was hungrier for a while, but that’s where the apples, granola bars, yogurt, and clementines come in! now i’m down to 1500/day give or take 100, and have learned to pack fruit when leaving the house. i’m not counting religiously, but i’m eating serving sizes instead of whatever can fit on my plate and mentally keeping loose track so as not to go over 1500 calories a day.

The Subtractions:

these are some of the things that had to go -

• eating out – no more drive-thru’s, no more chinese buffets – i thought i would really miss this and get cravings, but it hasn’t happened (yet). we’ve saved BOATLOADS of money eliminating this, and eating a lot healthier and more responsibly, too! (the portions are so ridiculous, then factoring in all the junk that’s in the food… lise and i started going to the fast food restaurants’ websites for the nutritional info and were STUNNED – a Wendy’s chicken go wrap, medium fry, medium frosty = 1150 calories?? HOLY CRAP!! need more convincing? watch the movie SuperSize Me)
• junk food – little debbie is pissed. willy wonka is turning violet. coca-cola, frito-lay, and mars candy put together an incentive package flush with cash for us to come back – we declined. their stock declined, too.
• pop – even diet. now, i still have a coke zero every so often, but it’s not my main fluid like it was before.
• HUGE portions – this took a while to get used to, and getting the stomach shrunk to where i wasn’t hungry when just finishing a meal, and learning to snack on fruit and healthy stuff in between meals – it’s all been very worthwhile.
• processed foods – meals in a box, veggies in cans, junk with lots of sodium and preservatives. we’ve not eliminated everything here, but have made significant gains.
• excuses – i’ve spent years making excuses for not being more physically active, for not eating healthier, for not taking care of myself. those had to go.

the addition of the weight training, water consumption, healthy foods, and counting calories has made a significant change in my body and the weight loss.

now, i did lose the month of july to Tim by 1/1000 of a percentage point, but i’m hopeful that the month of august will be mine!

Part IV Finale Preview: Reflections and Goals

after the first month of this weight loss contest with Tim (see Part I), when i had lost only 1lb (due to muscle mass buildup, and my not paying attention to any other area of my life in regards to this), i did my homework and realized, among other things, that i needed to do more than just exercise my legs.

honestly, i had no idea who jillian michaels was when i got the first workout DVD – Banish Fat and Boost Metabolism. she looked tough and there were a LOT of fantastic reviews on amazon.com – what more did i need?

holy. crap.

again, i stress that at this point, besides a month of biking, i had not exercised since high school sports (20+ years ago).

when i attempted the 55 minute workout that jillian michaels puts you through – well, let’s just say that i made it to about the 20 minute point, stopping three times, and thinking my lungs were going to explode and send my lifeless body down the river of sweat coursing through the room.

it was CRAZY!! jillian michaels is CRAZY!! i was talking with lise later in the day and mentioned offhandedly this observation. lise said, “oh, yeah. she’s tough!” i looked at her bug-eyed and said, “how do you know jillian michaels??” and it was her turn to look at me like i was nuts. she said, “she’s the trainer on The Biggest Loser, dumbass! she’s the one who takes the worst of them and wins!” oy vey! no wonder i’m getting my butt kicked!!

it took me 10+ days before i could get through the entire workout in one session (and i still had to stop 2-3 times).

but then something clicked. i don’t know if it was the rhythm, my body adapting, finding my pace – not sure, but i started being able to push it through the whole routine without stopping.

and wow – talk about an endorphin rush! i AM jillian michaels’ bitch!

the cardio, the ab workout, the stretching, the planks – i felt great afterwards and for the entire day! not to mention that it seems to be a natural appetite suppressant (at least it is for me). i started noticing things like my ability to breathe easier, more muscles getting toned, a huge increase in stamina, increased flexibility in my arms and legs, and an overall healthy “high” feeling.

so at this point, i was still biking once a day, plus now working out to jillian.

other things needed to change, too! and other things had to be added. tomorrow i’ll tell you my next step…

Part III Preview: The Addition and The Subtraction

several months ago, i challenged my friend Tim to a weight loss contest. i knew i needed to get serious about it, and i knew he felt the same way. we started off at the very end of May and the contest is set to run through the end of August. i won’t release details, but the stakes are cold, hard cash – something i figured we’d both need as an incentive.

i waited to talk about this with many folks because i wanted to make sure it would stick. as of yesterday, i’ve lost 20lbs, have built up some sweet muscle mass, and haven’t felt this good since high school (if even then).

i’m a bit ashamed to admit that i’ve not seen my weight south of 270 in well over a decade. about 4-5 years ago, i hit 320 and got a bit weirded out. the picture above is still shocking to look at and think how incredibly overweight i was. i lost 30+ lbs over the next 2 years by changing eating habits (exercise? aw, hell no!), but got stuck in the 280′s, give or take 5-10lbs. when the scale showed 265 on Sunday? wowza!

so, back in may i figured i was gonna have to get off my rear and do some physical activity. i dusted off my bike and started riding. and thought i was gonna die after only 3 miles. i mean, seriously. my head hurt, my lungs were exploding, my legs were shaky, my knees were killing me! Â i could do little more than shuffle into the house and lay on the kitchen floor for a half hour when i finished.

insane.

but i kept at it. slowly over the next several weeks i worked up to 8-10 miles, increasing speed, duration, and finally biking twice a day, riding up to 20 miles a day.

now, i was getting a bit frustrated at the beginning, too. for the first 3-4 weeks, i actually GAINED weight. i was feeling good, but wasn’t seeing the change on the scale.

so i started to do some homework on exercise, on biking, on weight loss – i never even thought about muscle mass! i never considered that, after years of being only moderately active and no exercise since high school, i would be regaining muscle that would weigh more than the fat it was replacing!

at the end of our first month, i eventually had a net loss of only 1lb.

i also started to realize that simply biking wasn’t going to be enough. it was exercising and strengthening only one part of my body. i hadn’t made any big changes in my eating (besides getting away from what i would have called “the REALLY bad junk food”) or portion sizes, wasn’t looking at calories or what i was drinking.

these things were going to have to change if i was going to win this contest! Tim took the first month’s prize, but i was determined to modify my attack and take him down!

part two preview: scott gets schooled by a sassy chick in tights

i’ve not written much in the last month and it’s not out of lack of material. it’s lack of desire and creativity. i think boring writing ought to be burned at the stake and vow, usually, to not subject folks to boring writing from me.

i have a number of folks who think i’m funny and witty and that it’s just second nature to me to always have something to say, and to say it with a humorous or creative slant. but the truth is, it’s like a faucet sometimes – it’s on. or it’s off. and i could force it, but i don’t particularly want to.

i promised myself a couple years ago that i would not be the writer / blogger who felt tied to his blog and to some imaginary rule that says i must write for the masses daily. i also promised i wouldn’t get caught up in numbers, like how many folks are reading and omg, if i don’t write more i’ll lose people, etc.

i also promised i’d not be That Guy who bitches and moans about everything or wears his emotions on his blogging sleeve, yet i still have people tell me, “oh, i read your blog, so i feel like i’m caught up with what’s going on in your life” to which i snort and explain that while i will always be honest here, i will not subject you to the daily grind of what goes on in my head or in the life of my family.

i do twitter frequently. i do facebook almost daily. and you can find me at the end of both of those links. no, this isn’t a death knell for rustypants speaks, nor is it any announcement that i’m taking a break.

don’t worry – the faucet will be back on soon. stick with me or subscribe to my RSS feed.

eh, big deal – as long as i’ve got my german chocolate cake!

over dinner with friends one evening, we’re asked if we’ve ever had ann’s footlongs in glen burnie. we replied that we’d seen the place before but had not stopped to eat. oh my goodness, the litany that followed this was stunning: greatest hot dogs in the world, been there 50 years, we used to go there after school every day, they’re like hot dogs from God, when you go you HAVE to get the “double-dog” because those are the best, oh, remember that time when we went there, blah blah blah, 100% beef dogs that, if you get them done correctly, have chili, onions, mustard on them as well, and if you’re going to do it, you have to do it all the way, etc. etc.

well, it just so happened that i worked not a mile away from the mighty ann’s footlongs! oh, goodie!!

a plan of attack was devised and a week after this exchange i left school at lunchtime to grab an ann’s double-dog footlong.

i walk into the place and could tell it was a genuine greasy-spoon, hole-in-the-wall, been here forever kinda place. old-timers hanging around, folks behind the counter who look like they’ve been there since the eisenhower administration, grease that looks like IT’S been around since ike, too, old-timey seats and a standing-room-only lunch crowd waiting.

and the first red flag? instead of cooking their dogs on the griddle, they tossed them into this humongous pit of bubbling grease. i stood in awe (and disgust) at the sheer amount of grease and the huge number of dogs percolating therein.

i step up and boldly demand a double dog with chili, hold the onions. into the festering grease fly two more dogs.

red flag number two? they pull the dogs out, put them on a huge bun, slather chili on top, put the results in two sheets of aluminum foil, wrap several napkins around it, and put it into a paper bag. this wasn’t the red flag, though – the red flag came less than a minute later when, walking out to the car, the napkins and paper bag have soaked through with grease. and soaked through my clothes. and was about to soak through my seats in the car.

why, oh mercy, why didn’t i stop right then?

i ate the ann’s double-dog. it was a mess. it was a greasy delicious mess. it slid down my throat and began a toxic chemical reaction unparalleled in the anals (sic) of history.
it. was. disgusting. worst hot dog ever. period.

anyone with an iron gut would love it. otherwise, find another hole-in-the-wall place to eat (like the honey bee restaurant on rt. 2).

—————

edit: one of the best hot dogs ever? chicks drive-inn in west haven, CT – mark took us there one of the times we went up with him. there’s something about open-air dogs on the beach with good friends.Â

the first time i ever gave blood was to get out of work for a little while. i was 18 and working for a department store when an announcement was made that anyone who gave blood at the bloodmobile that afternoon would get an hour off with pay. after giving, there were cookies and pop! omg! an hour off AND cookies AND pop!!! WOO-HOO!!!!

so i gave. and continued to give, long after the benefit of an hour off expired. it was helping someone, didn’t take much time, and hey – cookies and pop!

so i finally went to the NW FL Blood Center last week to give. nice folks. free t-shirts. free pop. free little debbies. there was a lot of attention given and you felt like a minor celebrity.

and then yesterday i get a call.

“mr. rust, this is _______ at the NWFLBC and i wanted to call and talk to you about donating again.”
“so soon?” i asked.
“well, you donated whole blood last week, and of course you have to wait 8 weeks between those donations, but mr. rust, your platelet count (insert long explanation of how rustypants’ count is THREE TIMES the normal count)!!”
“uhh… wow. should i be worried?”
“oh, no! this is great! you can give platelets every three days!!!”
“hey, cool,” i said, blind to what was coming next.
“platelets are crucial for cancer patients, leukemia patients, and others who have blood diseases! and because of their short shelf-life, we’re in constant need of people like you who have extremely elevated levels in their blood. think about all the people you will be helping – your one donation will probably help three people! (insert continued unnecessary encouragement on the importance of donating)”

i felt like a rock star. no lie. i was being courted with facts, t-shirts, candy, drinks, bring a dvd to watch if you want, we’ll sign you up to win a new car, your platelets are so sexy, mr. rust, i wish i could be the technician who centrifuges your blood, everyone should be so lucky to have your platelet count, would you sign my shirt, let me stroke your arteries…

“ok. sign me up.”
“really?”
“umm.” now i’m confused.
“it will take up to two hours to complete when can you come in?”

and then the sun rose. the lightbulb turned on. the cold water of realization hit.

they will never stop calling now, will they? i’ll be their rock star until my platelets rebel and stop kicking it so hard. then, and only then, will my star fall. and i’ll just be another has-been. a washout.

hey! helping others! cookies! pop! it’ll be worth it.

on the field trip, i talked with the student for a minute. the new teacher saw me talking and came up to me away from the kids. the exchange began:

him: hey, man. so you know __________?
me: yep. i was _________’s homeroom teacher the first half of this year.
him: ohh, ok! wow.
me: yeah, wow.
him: rough, huh?
me: yup.
him: want to take __________ back?
*me thinking about a professional response*
me: sorry, sir. you don’t have that kind of money.

we grinned slightly at each other, shook hands, clapped each other on the back, and went our separate ways.