rustypants speaks

every so often i get an inappropriate comment from someone to the effect of, “gee, it must be nice to just turn off your hearing aids and not hear” or “what i would give to have your hearing problem today” to which i usually say, “hey dumbass – i’d trade you any day.”

there are few benefits involved in hearing loss – the cost of equipment, the things i cannot do, the social things that are missed out on, the annoyance of loud restaurants, not being able to swim or be out in the rain and hear, advantages students take when they realize you can’t hear, loss of patience from people who are tired of repeating themselves for you, etc. – it’s a costly disability any way you slice it.

the few “benefits” there are can be counted on one hand – i’ll tell you about the first one today.

lise and i lived in washington d.c. & baltimore for close to ten years – our favorite outings were ones where we would get in the car, gas up the tank, and drive and explore. there were a number of state and national parks within a couple hours’ drive and we always loved going & hiking, driving, picnicking, etc.

but the cost. holy crap. i mean, we’re talking 15 years ago and i remember having to pay $5 to get into shenandoah national park in virginia (it’s now $8 to $15 per car, depending on the season). assateague island was around $8 (and it’s also now up to $15). blackwater national wildlife reserve was $2 or $3 to drive through, even. we were floored, although we paid and usually had to save up to do it. it sure seems silly now, but that’s how poor we were with lise full time in school and neither of us making much money.

so picture this: one day we’re in a line of cars leading up to the entrance to shenandoah in front royal, virginia. their big welcoming sign posts all their fees, etc. and down toward the bottom…

“Golden Access Card – Disabled – FREE“

i turned to lise and said, “gee, i wonder what constitutes ‘disabled’ here?” figuring it was more profoundly handicapped.

we pulled up to the window and i handed the dude my $5. as he’s handing me my receipt, the following conversation takes place:

“here’s your change and a map of the park, sir.”
“thanks. hey, what do i have to do to get a Golden Access Card?”
“what’s your disability?”
“uh, (looks at watch) about 2:00.”

he glances at my hearing aid, motions for the receipt back, hands me my $5, points up the hill and annunciates clearly while looking me square in the face, “drive up the hill and turn into the ranger station. they’ll give you an application and a card.”

and with that, i got a golden access card, allowing me into any national park in the country. for free.

we’ve used the thing a lot over the years but lost track of the card maybe 6 years ago. during the move, it was discovered in a box and set aside.

today we hit gulf island national seashore at perdido key – the card still works.

what’s that?

uh, about 2:00.

our fascination with graveyards has held true for years. few things are more fun than finding a nifty old graveyard while out on a try-to-get-lost drive in the middle of nowhere.

two weekends ago we drove to mobile, alabama primarily to find an indian restaurant (found! but more on that later). after eating, we decided to drive around downtown mobile, then took a wrong turn down a main road leading through the beginnings of suburbia. just as we were about to turn around and head back, we saw it.

a tourist-destination sign… for a cemetery.

we looked at each other, looked at the sign again, looked at each other and said, “if there’s a sign for a cemetery, it’s gotta be a good one.”

and it was. it is.

magnolia cemetery sits on 120 acres close to the downtown area and has graves dating back to the early 1800′s. there are many magnolia trees on the property and on this particular weekend – memorial day – there was a massive and impressive flag display as well.

we are intrigued by several things in graveyards (and these determine whether we go to a graveyard at all or just drive by):

1. are the majority of the graves OLD ones?
2. are there a good number of elaborate, ornate graves?
3. can we go traipsing around without getting yelled at by caretakers?

the answer to each of these questions on this day: YES!!

any time we find a cool old graveyard, we begin by making a bet on what the oldest grave is we’ll see. this is frequently hampered by graves so old that one is no longer able to read the inscriptions. this makes for much sadness but also adds to the challenge! there are graves dating back to the War of 1812 at magnolia, but the oldest ones we saw were just a few years short of the Civil War.

you can see the civil war cannon on the side of picture number 6 above. the angels are quite expressive, although i admit to making a joke about the angel in the middle picture above giving the finger due to a missing index finger (and wishful thinking / selective seeing). some of the crypts were stunning – marble with intricate designs, fencing, and inscriptions.

our interest is all the more unusual given that neither lise nor i have any desire to be put in an expensive box with an expensive rock on top of an expensive piece of land upon our deaths. we’re both shooting for a nice cremation and ashes scattered in various spots around ohio, maryland, and florida. if we die together and you hear that we’re being boxed up, please print and send this article to the funeral planners, eh?

we probably spent an hour here, looking, listening, watching, talking, thinking, photographing. it was quite peaceful and awe-inspiring. the lengths to which some of the families have gone to preserve some sort of legacy or record was extraordinary – and i say that with respect.

i was surprised at the haunting beauty of the place and large scale of many of the plots to the point of turning to lise and saying, “well, this looks like a pleasant place to be dead.” she smiled at me and we both knew we were thinking the same thing: it’s beautiful here, but please: don’t put me here!

i think my car is possessed.

i’ll worry more if the engine block starts spinning and green vomit comes out the tailpipe.

lise and i took off thursday night to drive to cincinnati – the objective: pack the house up. we drove half way and spent the night at a hotel to relieve some of the stress. now, this is still a six hour drive, so to pass the time, we passed the ipod back and forth for the majority of the trip, each picking one song at a time. our resulting soundtrack:

joe satriani – come on baby
katie reider – show your love
dave matthews / tim reynolds – crash into me
david crosby / phil collins – hero
buddy miles – them changes
caedmon’s call – shifting sand
andy osenga – swing wide the glimmering gates
the band – up on cripple creek
alan parsons band – lost without you
alanis morissette – hand in my pocket
jethro tull – aqualung
john coltrane – say it (over and over again)
judas priest – electric eye
journey – any way you want it
ludacris – freedom of preach
luna halo – aliens
justin hayward / john lodge – when you wake up
monty python – lumberjack song
monty python – the penis song
monty python – always look on the bright side of life
chris deburgh – patricia the stripper
50 cent – my gun go off
zz top – sharp dressed man
rodney carrington – show them to me
roger waters – what god wants pt. 1
ray charles – drown in my own tears
neko case – margaret vs. pauline
mercyme – it’s my joy
led zeppelin – moby dick
jars of clay – flood
jim weider – prayer
audio adrenaline – walk on water
buddy guy – now you’re gone
brian setzer orchestra – winter wonderland
butch walker and the let’s go out tonights – hot girls in good moods
calexico – above the branch
cowboy junkies – to love is to bury
damien rice – the blower’s daughter
grateful dead – brokedown palace
kt tunstall – immune
keith jarrett trio – rider
neil young – rockin in the free world

an extra prize is given to the first person to guess what song lise fell asleep to, leaving scott to pick all of the rest of the tunes.

this past weekend was rather unexciting as weekends go. the flu and a nasty ear infection kept me down and lise had to work much of the day saturday. sunday was not a particularly nice day, what with my ear throbbing and sounding like a balloon of snot, but it was beautiful outside and we didn’t want to waste that.

off we went for a couple hours to at least get out and enjoy the sun and the warmth. we intended on grabbing a bite at subway and scooting over to the beach for a quick picnic under the umbrella. a right powerful long line of cars heading to the bridge deterred us from a beachside lunch, however, and we were scurrying to find an alternative.

i’d seen the signs for the Naval Live Oaks area of the Gulf Island National Seashore a couple of times but we’d never gone to this area, just a couple miles east of pensacola beach. the pictures speak for themselves, but allow me to ruin it just a bit by saying: this was a very pleasant spot to stop and eat.

and then we went home and i crashed. :-)

spring break is here and we all know what that means: leaving the sunny, warm beach to come 11 hours to rainy, cold cincinnati to discover what all needs to be done to get this house sold.

so yesterday morning i got my act together, my things together, kissed my wife and petted my dog goodbye, and got out the door by 6:30 or so as the sun was rising. that first hour of the drive is always invigorating – on the road again, gearing up for a long drive, getting some time to just sit, look, think, listen. driving solo is not my favorite thing to do but there’s something to be said for the ability to contemplate your existence. there was a nice sunrise going on and up near century, florida there were pockets of mist and fog that stirred the old imagination up.

once i hit alabama the sun disappeared and has yet to be seen again. could this have been a harbinger of things to come? one never knows.

the drive was uneventful until almost to the alabama / tennessee border where, from a mile away, i see a huge confederate flag flying high. now, my opinion about the confederate flag is mixed as i have seen it used as a racist symbol to intimidate but also as a source of genuine pride. the vast majority of the use i’ve seen has been the former, however.

so now i’m wondering what clown would fly this thing so big that it can be seen a mile away. as i get closer, i pull over and get my camera out – this one is too good to pass by.

it’s the alabama chapter of the sons of the confederacy. their contact info? 1-800-MY-SOUTH. yeesh. i found them online and their purpose statement seems awash in doublespeak. this is an uninformed opinion, however.

i was making good time through tennessee and looked to arrive in cincinnati before 7pm. mom had already made some dinner and was ready to come over to the house with it when all of the sudden…

i-65 became a parking lot.

70 miles south of louisville, traffic comes to a halt. no signs. no emergency vehicles. no detours. just immobilized cars.

now, i lived in washington d.c. and baltimore for 10 years: i know about traffic. no problem, i said. we’ll wait it out. but then things start inching along. and continue to inch. and inch. and inch. and after about 90 minutes of inching and going maybe 7 miles, i begin texting folks to find out what the hell is going on here – my stick shift is a joy to drive until you have to work the clutch like this for more than 30 minutes. no one knew what was up. and at the 120 minute mark, i’m going a bit nuts. finally at about the 150 minute mark and 10-15 miles later, this is what i see:

still no emergency vehicles, no cops, just a couple guys trying to get a trailer out of the ditch.

well, dinner’s cold now and it’s going to be too late to have mom over. i drive for a spell, pull over, sleep for 30 minutes, and get back to it, arriving at the house around 9pm.

i’m getting too old for this.

huge billboard on I-65 in alabama, en route to pensacola.

hee hee – what are these people thinking?

one of the great benefits of being a youth minister is getting to attend weddings of past kids. and this weekend we went insane and drove to maryland to witness the wedding of karen and her man kevin. and it was awesome!

karen is absolutely one of Scott’s Girls. and you can read about why here.

the wedding was great. shortest one i’ve ever been to.

“do you take her?”

“i do.”

“do you take him?”

“i do.”

i now pronounce you….

it was pretty wild. :-) reception rocked. seeing her family again for the first time in several years rocked.

more stories and pictures to follow. we’ll be in maryland til sunday morning and then heading back to cincinnati.

you MIGHT be able to click here to see the other wedding pics. if not? sorry!