rustypants speaks

but could i sit on the beach at the end of january barefoot, wear shorts and a t-shirt, grade papers and listen to the waves crash, feel the warm sand between my toes, have the sun beat down on me, watch the pelicans take headlong dives for a scaly supper, and marvel at the wonder of it all?

naw, didn’t think so.

ron paul is really the only presidential candidate who intrigues me at this point in the race and while i don’t know a WHOLE lot about him, i know enough to believe i’d support him if he ran independent.

today, that was solidified when i heard that arlo guthrie is supporting paul for president.

and i’ll be damned if the refrain from Alice’s Restaurant isn’t stuck in my fool head now. sheesh.

if my answering machine is any indicator: um, like, YES.

in the last seven days, we’ve had approximately 50 messages left on the machine by everyone from mitt romney, mitt romney’s grandma, mitt romney’s wife, mitt romney’s gardener, and mitt romney’s mistress. and this is just mitt romney. we’ve not even touched on the other candidates who’ve had their obnoxious auto-dialers calling our number.

CNN breaks things down to the ludicrous (included somewhere is probably an explanation why romney’s grandma would be a hit in garnering votes for her precious) for those who give a damn.

bottom line? i can’t WAIT for the primary to be over tomorrow night so we can have our answering machine back.

does the do-not-call registry cover political calls, too? one could only hope.

(i’m still curious about ron paul but won’t commit to anything just yet…)

a couple weeks ago i received a request from one of my students to go to the office with a small group of girls who were having an ongoing issue with another small group of girls - this other group had asked (and been granted) permission to go to the office to address some of these issues.

well, when the second group got wind of this, a passionate plea to go to the office to challenge this first group arose. i was on to what was going on and refused permission to this second group for a number of reasons, not the least of which was that i had much for them to do in my class!

this, obviously, was cause for whining and under-the-breath muttering in my direction. and obviously, i was physically unable to care less.

until the following note was given to me by one of the leaders of this small group of girls:

to which i had to stop everything and explain:

Dude! I AM cool!! when God was handing out the coolness, he gave me an extra handful in exchange for taking some of my hearing. “Is that ok with you, son?” God asked. “It’s cool with me, yo!” was my reply. COOL was going to be my middle name until my mom convinced my dad that it just wasn’t appropriate. the latest edition of Webster’s includes a small picture of me with the definition of cool. why, i’m so cool that some people from florida take vacations to MY HOUSE because the temperature is a full 20 degrees lower in its vicinity.

obviously, some of this was a revelation to my students, but now that we’ve got that settled, everything’s cool.

hee hee.

the cowboy junkies, a band that has been near and dear to me for 20 years, has revisited the trinity sessions, the album that first turned me on waaay back in 1988 at the tender age of 19.

i first blogged about this album back in 2006 when i loaded the thing on my ipod. it’s lost none of its power or greatness since then. i was skeptical at first upon hearing that they were remaking the album, but upon further investigation, it’s a re-interpretation more than simply going back and re-doing the same thing.

and it sounds delicious.

you can download a free song from their revisited website: trinity revisited and can also watch some utube video from the DVD.

sadly, the trinity revisited tour doesn’t come close to pensacola, so i’m out of luck on seeing them perform it live (short of the DVD included with the album) - if you live near one of the cities, go for me, huh?

the following was taken off the revisited website:

The band’s Michael Timmins explains the genesis of the DVD: ’’To celebrate the 20th anniversary of The Trinity Session we decided to head back to Toronto’s Trinity Church with the idea of revisiting the album with the benefit of twenty years of experience under our belts. We enlisted a few musicians for whom The Trinity Session had some personal and professional resonance and whose individual work resonates with us. The idea was to cobble together a loose band sound with just a few hours of rehearsal and a one day recording schedule, resulting in the eight of us bouncing ideas off of each other and inspiring one another spontaneously … much the same way that we created the original recording. We came, we played, and the church, once again, did the rest.’’

and apparently, rightly so.

about an hour ago there was a knock on our apartment door. it’s 8:30 on a saturday night in a town where we know less than a dozen people well enough to call friends. who could it be?

lise’s on the phone. i answer it while the dog goes nutso and there’s a short, neatly dressed, 50-something black lady standing there. dolby’s doing a who-is-it-who-is-it bark and tail wag and this lady jumps back, clearly scared of my goofy mutt. i assure her she’s ok and what can i do for her.

i proceed to hear only parts of a story of her father dying, car out of gas, need a few dollars to get to the hospital, needing to pick up her mother, she lives in the complex on the other side of our building, etc. i ask her to give me a minute. come in and quickly ask lise if she knows this woman. she’s instantly skeptical and tells me not to give her money (think i should have listened).

i go back out and tell her that i’ll give her a lift to the hospital - quickly she tells me that the hospital is in Mobile, AL - 60 miles away. i ask her what unit she’s in - she tells me “you know, it’s the one immediately behind you.” “yeah, what number is that?” “8C” “oh. ok. well, i don’t have that much money. here’s $6.00.” “oh, thank you so much… blah blah blah…”

and as she walked away, i realized how many red flags i ignored and how many shrill whistles and sirens were going off in my head. and i instantly felt stupid.

5 minutes later, lise and i leave to canvass the apartment complex to make sure no one else is being taken. i see her on the other side of the complex (we have 9 1-story buildings with about 8 apartments in each, 4 on one side, 4 on the other) standing at someone’s apartment door. as i continue walking towards her, she sees me. she quickly begins walking across the parking lot, jumps into the passenger side of a newer car driven by a man i would assume is her husband. the car is quickly put in reverse as i’m standing 6 feet from the back of it, looking at the license plate and through the back window. and the car doesn’t stop. and continues to not stop. i move quickly out of the way as the car takes off through the parking lot.

and i’ve gone through many emotions since then. anger over being taken for stupid or gullible. shame for not thinking more closely about what she was telling me not jiving with what i know. self-righteous pride for not wanting to turn someone away who is desperate enough for money to obviously drive from elsewhere to try and get it from strangers. disappointment over the human condition. frustration knowing that the next person who comes to my door asking for something is going to most likely get the door slammed in their face. shock that after all these years and numerous times being taken with the same kind of story, i continue to get taken.

it was only six bucks. and i’d rather lose six bucks and maybe have helped in some perverse way tonight. but what about those people who might turn to us next who are in real need when my bullshit radar will be struck on hyper-alert and i turn them away?

gah. i hate being taken like this.

our dog, dolby, is a notorious toy killing beast whose irrational squeaky and fluffy toy mauling has been documented extensively in photo, video, and documentary formats. his apparent delight in the senseless slaughter of expensive toys knows no bounds and we have been reduced to giving him barbed wire and bricks to play with in lieu of store bought toys.

his most famous exploit was dramatized with gruesome visuals in this post from August of 2006: Mandibles of Death Indeed

when we take him to other peoples’ homes, they are warned in advance to put any cute toys high above his reach. we’ve even had to replace other dogs’ toys due to his ripping and shredding. every six months or so we try and buy him another of these toys, only to watch with wonder as he decimates his prey/toy in record time.

so it’s with great surprise that i report: dolby has a girlfriend.

over the holidays, we took dolby with us to my brother’s house - he has two dogs who are spoiled with more toys than most children receive in a lifetime (sorry guys - i don’t mean this in a mean way - more in a jealous way). jason offered me a trash bag full of toys that his dogs were finished with. i reluctantly took it, knowing we’d not be able to take them all down to p-cola with us.

so we took 8 or so of the toys out and left the rest at the house. one of the toys was a blonde girl doll (builder bob’s girlfriend, i think) and dolby is smitten.

he’s had this thing for over two weeks now and has not destroyed it yet. even more than that: he carries it around the apartment with him, uses it as a pillow, nibbles on her hair, licks her, cleans her, throws her around and chases after her.

but no mauling. no destruction.

what caused this change of heart? do devil dogs prefer blondes? has the puppy been beaten out of our two year old dog? has he simply found a toy that will be his new security blanket? is the moon in the house of virgo and the stars are in position, temporarily, so that our dog has mellowed out until a future misalignment of the planets?

dunno, but i can’t stop laughing at what a goof he is with this silly little doll.

math is probably my least favorite subject of all possible school subjects. i’m just not that good at the more complex problems and have difficulty remembering formulas and other whatnot.

when i took the GRE back in january 2006, i scored way high in the language section and in the writing section. i knew i would. i love language and writing. but then on the math section, i ranked somewhere like the 18th percentile of all people taking the GRE. i suck and i know it.

there are many hoops to jump through while getting your florida teacher certification - one of the hoops is having to pay for and take the florida general knowledge test. it’s four parts - language skills, reading, essay, and math.

math. bleah.

i was so bored at the end of this christmas break (sixteen days off is too much for me, folks - i don’t entertain myself easily) that i scheduled the three parts of this exam that i could take on a computer for friday afternoon. i wasn’t nervous as i went into the test. i wasn’t nervous when i took the language skills exam. i wasn’t nervous when i took the reading exam.

but math.

oh, math. bleah. the first two sections of the test were 40 minutes each. the math (bleah) section? 100 minutes. and as i started it, i was ok. easy! no problem. hey, know this one, too! haha! hey, maybe i DO know math!!

and then. THEN i had to compute the slope of a line on an X,Y graph. i stared at it for a couple minutes, sweat pouring down my face, knuckles white on the mouse, teeth grinding with such intensity that a fine, white powder escaped my lips. i hit the MARK button that would allow me to quickly come back to it later, then hit next.

9c + 14 - 2(5c - 1) = ________________ (fill in part two on your own - i’ve blanked on it). four possible answers were given for the variable.

and my heart started beating too fast. loneliness and despair were kicking in. YOU SUCK AT MATH!! this was what was being played over and over in my head as i tried to work the problem out for each possible answer and none none none of them would plug in the way i thought it would.

i slapped myself in the face, grabbed myself by the chin and said, “cut it out! you can DO THIS! now quit being a wuss and GET TO WORK, SOLDIER!” and as i composed myself to the sound of the other test-takers “Shhh!”-ing, i confidently picked whichever answer looked the most interesting and went on.

and forty minutes later i walked shakily out of the room, unsure of my future. until the man behind the counter handed me three pieces of paper. language arts: PASS. reading: PASS. mathematics: PASS.

when i came to several minutes later, i was able to calculate that the radius of the bump received on my head was 1.5cm, making the diameter a full 3cm!!

don’t ask me for the circumference or i’ll beat you silly.

or pay attention to the polls, or speculate on who might win this or that, or wonder how something might turn out, et cetera, ad nauseum…

society has given so much weight to personal input on the issues that it seems to have clouded the point. i realized when the washington post and the pensacola news journal started allowing “comments” to be made about “news” stories that we were getting silly about this.

the opinionated talking heads have been on fox and cnn for years, but as they are given more and more weight for their ridiculous speculations, the “news” becomes less and less actual news. the “news” is more hype and fanaticism than anything anyone ought to actually care about.

as the presidential election approaches this year, this hyped-up speculatory news is only going to increase. the caucuses have been given way more prominence than they require and to look at the iowa results, we’re OBVIOUSLY a ways away from knowing who is going to end up being the dem / rep nominee.

but that won’t keep the speculators from speculating.

but i will remind folks of this: if you take a look back at prior iowa caucus winners, you’ll find that an iowa win far from guarantees the party nomination.

chill out, eh? primaries run through june. we’ve got 10 months before we have to vote for whatever clowns end up with the nomination. don’t get your panties in a twist just yet.

mile 50 (12-21-07):

dolby and i are on the road to cincinnati. lise flew to toledo on the 19th. i had school until 11am (when my principal, who could kick your principal’s butt, told me i could take off). i got home, loaded up dolby and we hit the road. we’re in the car chillin, although dolby’s not particularly happy after about 200 of the 750 miles. poor guy.

mile 750 (12-22-07):

it’s 2am. i’m dead. we arrive at the house after too many stops for pooping and eating and running around. dolby’s thrilled. i’m just dead. everything’s vibrating.

mile 780 (12-22-07):

christmas dinner at my brother’s house in Monroe, Ohio. good time. good food. good company. debbie (sister-in-law)’s parents were there. my niece. my mom and her man. it was a good time. everything’s still vibrating.

mile 810 (12-23-07):

on the road again. this time 210 miles north to toledo to spend the day with lise’s family and pick her up to come down to the house. everyone was there but for her brother, sean, who has taken up long-haul trucking on a temporary basis to stockpile some cash and pay off some bills. he was missed, but we did have a good time! the picture to the right is NOT how i felt after 6 hours with the in-laws, but simply a mask one of my nephews left laying around. the switch is actually a comb. or is it? come a little closer, family!! muuuahahahahahaaaa…

mile 1245 (12-24-07):

had christmas eve dinner with my mom, her man, and my uncle. had a good time with untraditional christmas cooking that included some of the best potato soup i’ve ever had (even o’charley’s!). we played ping pong (got my butt kicked - damn this tennis elbow and carpal tunnel) and hung out for the evening.

mile 1290 (12-25-07):

christmas day was spent with my dad and his wife’s family - good food, good company again - i swear i’ve gained 4-5 lbs of the 50 i’ve lost back. gaah! we had a great time hanging out with everyone and catching up.

on the way there we stopped and bought Hot Fuzz, one of the funniest movies i’ve seen in all of 2007. seriously, i’ve not laughed like this over a movie in a long time. if you’ve not seen it, pbbbtthhh! jog on! mom had a coupon for hollywood video, and we got the thing for $7 and change. woo!

mile 1331 (12-26-07):

my friend mark meyers and his excellently cool wife melinda came in from minneapolis, MN and they spent the day with us on wednesday - i miss mark a lot. and his excellently cool wife is so excellently cool! we hung out, grabbed mexican food, drove to mt. adams and snapped disturbing photos of misunderstood minnesota rituals (such as the one at left, “face licking”) and concluded our day by playing simpson’s monopoly (how did this end? well, let’s just say that when lise tried to set mark up for the win, melinda and i formed an air-tight alliance and brought mark down to his knees). we were sad to see them go, but then SOMEONE has to go back to minnesota and freeze their asses off for the local economy.

that evening, several of our kids (ha ha - they ain’t “kids” anymore - “college attending adults”) from youth group past came over (including rocky and racecarr, seen left) for pizza, hilarity, hot fuzz (the movie, duh), and lots of talking. i’m so proud of these kids that i could pop. i love hearing about how growing up, college, jobs, etc. are going. rocky and i talked long into the evening about politics, school, christianity, and family - it was a great time.

mile 1402 (12-27-07):

today was a day of running around, relaxing a bit, making a trip to steve and barry’s for some shirts and stuff, getting things done around the house, and seeing my mom. lise got her old small group together and went out to dinner, then back to the house for fun, food, and games. they had a great time! christy came over that night for a couple hours and filled us in on her life and times, and then we kicked her out to get some sleep.

mile 1474 (12-28-07):

mom and i went to jungle jim’s today and bought staples (read: sauces and stuff you can’t get anywhere else, at least not in p-cola) and had donato’s for lunch. this evening was spent over at my brother’s house in Middletucky, OH with the family. definitely a good time eating, talking, and playing Rock Star. there exists some footage of my dad playing this game that will no doubt end up on youtube at some point.

mile 1540 (12-30-07):

back on the road again. i’ve said this before, i’ll say it again: i’m getting too old for this shit. driving 750 miles in one clip is too much for my ragged old body. but here we are again. the house is cleaned up and taken off the market. everything’s shut down and put away. the car’s been packed since the night before. the dog sits in the back seat looking sad (HE knows it’s 12 hours cooped up in the cramped car) and i’m getting ready to eat a blackberry jam cake muffin leftover from the previous weeks partying.

mile 2263 (12-31-07):

the drive is as long and painful as anticipated but it’s good to be home. we pull in late on the night of the 30th, unpack the car and pass out where we land. first thing next morning, we log mile 2263, ending at pensacola beach where it’s in the mid 60’s. the water’s warm, the air is warm, and the company is just right. we’ve had a great holiday visiting with family and friends that we sorely miss. now it’s good to be home and relaxing together before the craziness of real life returns.