rustypants speaks

“…but he’s a good dog!”

“oh, i’m sure of that!” the prosecution sneered. “is it not true that on two separate occasions this holiday season, your ‘good dog’ barked viciously at the lord jesus?”

“uh, well, um… that would be difficult as the lord is in heaven, right?” i asked hesitatingly.

“your insolence will not be tolerated, nor will the anti-holiday, anti-jesusness of your mangy mutt! your dog had the trained inclination to growl and bark at the graven images of the lord jesus in two separate manger scenes! confess your dogs’ sins and this court will go easier on you!”

“ok, look. my dog did, in fact, bark at the image of jesus in two different manger scenes this past week but…”

“ah HAH!!! you’ve been caught! your honor, this heretic has confessed and i demand swift and appropriate justice!”

“…but wait. let me explain.”

“oh, you need not explain, you perverted anti-jesus lunatic!”

“no, no, no! please understand: my dog isn’t barking at jesus per se, he’s barking at the nerve that some people have in thinking they can depict the lord in a certain fashion – to pigeonhole him, as it were. these WASP-y images of jesus are not only grossly inaccurate, they also go against carving images of god and worshiping them (as you seem to be doing with this prosecution). my dog simply wants christmas to be taken back to the important things and less on the worshiping of physical things like images, money, presents, etc. surely you can agree with that!?”

“were you just doing your mr. know-it-all routine there and making all that up on the spot?”

“um. yeah. ha. haha. pretty good, huh?”

“send him and his dog to the brig!”