rustypants speaks

i won’t lie to you:

there are times when the only kind of movie that i want to see is a pure, straight-forward action movie. a movie you don’t have to think much about, just sit back, enjoy the speeding, the shooting, the gore, the ridiculous plot, the unbelievable stunts, the guns that never run out of bullets, the pace that never seems to slow down.

lise and i rented kill bill several years ago when it was the last movie in the store that we hadn’t seen. i knew almost nothing about it, but from what i read on the box, it seemed stupid. we were desperate for something so we got it. we got half way through the thing after an inordinate amount of ridiculousness surrounding the plot, the characters, the circumstances, the excessive gore and the nonstop violence when finally… FINALLY we came to the animated sequence. and then. THEN i froze the movie, turned to lise and said, “holy crap! this movie is a COMIC BOOK!” i had been sitting there thinking and saying out loud that stuff like this only happens in comic books and it struck me: this movie is based on a comic book!

and then the movie made perfect sense! and we watched the rest of it, laughing, cheering for The Bride, and being sad that kill bill 2 was not out yet on DVD! and kill bill 2, when it did come out on dvd, surpassed the first one easily! oh! OH!! those movies are two of my favorites!

terminator 2 is another one of those movies – we first saw this sucker at the carousel theater in cincinnati on the BIG SCREEN and folks, when during the opening credits, that big metal foot comes crunching down on that skull? haha! woo, we jumped about two feet each, laughed like loons and settled in for what has become another one of those ridiculous action movies that you can’t think too much about, but just enjoy the ride.

well, last night was one of those nights for a mindless action movie. die hard has not been a franchise that we have watched closely, although i do know i’ve seen at least two of the first three films. i remember them being ok but maybe a little silly.

as i walked into blockbuster, lise warned me when i joked about getting that movie. doggoneit, there was nothing else to rent, so off i go with bruce willis firmly tucked under my arm. lise punched me and told me to apologize for what she was sure was going to be a horrible movie. i refused.

and two hours later, i was begging for forgiveness.

it’s a dog. i mean, it’s a junkyard dog that ought to be put out of its misery. i can handle certain levels of unbelievable, and if i can get in the right mindset, i can excuse a lot of plot BS, but this? THIS??

oy. i was praying for john mcclane‘s death by the end of the movie so there’d be no further torture to the movie-watching public. no such luck.

spare yourself the pain and please, don’t lose 129 minutes of your life that you will never be able to get back.